The Reason for it All

After feeling frustrated for so long because I'm not able to articulate my theory on the matter well enough, I have given up trying to clarify further in my head what I badly wish to express to friends who have left the church with poor excuses to do so.

Some excuses I hear have to do with Joseph Smith Jr. In fact, off the top of my head, all personal acquaintances who have left the church in some form have ultimately blamed it on one part or another of the Joseph Smith story, Joseph specifically, etc. To be fair, this would seem the most logical and in general better excuse to have for leaving, as the church pretty much rises or falls on Joseph.
But does it? I mean if the story was ultimately false would everyone discount the 'personal witness' born to them by the Spirit? Would people find the Book of Mormon less inspiring as they read it? I am sure. Yet will everyone? I highly doubt it. What makes the difference between these two groups of people? I would contend ONE difference is flexibility within their belief system.
One friend that left the church couldn't reconcile what he thought to be proper Prophet actions to what he read about Joseph Smith Jr. My interpretation: inflexibility. If one cannot permit a Prophet to maintain human fallibility, the foundation for your faith wasn't set properly.
Another friend is merely projecting blame onto Joseph as Joseph is the easiest and most logical object for that blame when one's life isn't up to the standard you grew up with and have been led to believe in. Because you grew up believing this standard, a very heavy guilt often follows actions that a highly conservative religious upbringing will give. If not properly shed, the guilt and shame will be your downfall as you cannot reconcile your life with what you were taught your actions should be. You then project these feelings onto another...usually the church in some form or fashion.
Getting rid of enough guilt, finding flexibility in your faith to the point where you can allow two seemingly opposing ideas to coexist within your beliefs...this is my argument to those who fall away. This is why I am on here arguing against far-right conservatism and arguing for a more liberal approach, not just to politics, but to your faith, as I find it is essential to many. This is just my perspective, but it seems that if those I watched fall away would have applied this theory long before they decided to leave, they wouldn't be where they are today.