This week has been quite a new experience for me. For those of you that are interested, my Father's obituary are posted on Alex's and Bryan & Tiffany's Blogs. A million thoughts have flooded my brain ever since I posted about my Father weeks ago. As I digitize these thoughts, they will be integrated with others as I continue to live and learn.
My first thought regards relationships. Blake Ostler couldn't emphasize enough in his first book that the primary concern God has and that we should have is our relationship or, God's primary concern is having a relationship with us, and our primary concern should be to have a relationship with Him. Seeking and having a relationship with our Father in heaven implies many things pertaining to righteousness. So when, as an adult but only 28 I watched as family and friends flooded in to pay respects to my parents, I was viewing a viewing and a funeral from a new view. Not only do people come and say goodbye, but they share memories about that person. This only enriches my own memories about my Dad.
From the beginning I knew what an awesome family I had. I enjoy a position in a family where I can lean on any member for support and that goes for every person. We do have our limits like any family, but there is no ill will, no cold shoulders or backbiting or back stabbing. We all talk and we all enjoy each others company and friendship and bond that only family members share. This only strengthens when a death occurs within this tight family. I couldn't have survived this week without this blessing.
I had the unfortunate position of living eleven hours away during all of this. I arrived Tuesday night just after my dad had passed. Since then I have been truly amazed and grateful for the strength within my mother. According to my siblings, she has also had this strength before I arrived. My brothers and sister were able to see her reconnect to dad almost like they were newlyweds. Years of pain and suffering melted away as they held each other and found the brightness of the gospel fill their lives. Although dad was still suffering, they both experienced some sweet moments before dad had to leave her in mortality. Even though emotional and obviously showing her love for her husband, she has been exceptional in all of this. She has been the benefactor of the Spirit of Peace and has ensured direct lines of communication and constant companionship of the Holy Ghost to give her this great comfort. Thank you mother for your wonderful example and for transmitting this comfort to us.
I am experiencing a fresh outlook on life. Certain things are much more meaningful and certain others are much less. I am happy to say these things have adjusted for the better. Wisdom seems to come in this way. Circumstance and experience play through to give experience and wisdom. This should in turn open one for more submissiveness to Father and proof to Him that you are ready for more gifts. I am a long way off of all these wonderful sounding things, but I have been given a gift of understanding and believing the gospel plan. My suffering comes from knowing what I am missing out I suppose.
My last thought for now pertains to my Father. When my grandparents died I knew they could see me at anytime but it didn't affect my actions too much. Now that my Father is in a position to 'spy' on me, I am much more cognisant of the fact that he could be watching me at anytime. This has in turn made me think about everything I do before I do them in a whole new light. A father is much different that some relative you didn't live with or have a vested interest in comparable to a dad. This also affects me for the better.
I have to give a pathetic thank you to everyone who gives in this time of need for me and my family. We feel the prayers most of all, thank you. We are also very grateful for temporary gifts such as dinners and your time. Nothing goes unnoticed and even though anything I give is little, your real reward awaits you with our mutal Father. Enjoying a community where support is given such as in times like this is phenomenal and I thank you all for allowing me to be a part of that community once again, even though I don't live in Utah. I think that is part of what makes it so amazing. Thank you thank you thank you.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
More from a wayward child
"I never thought it was right to call up a man and try him because he erred in doctrine, it looks too much like methodism and not like Latter day Saintism. Methodists have creeds which a man must believe or be kicked out of their church. I want the liberty of believing as I please, it feels so good not to be tramelled. It dont prove that a man is not a good man, because he errs in doctrine." - Joseph Smith
This quote I think I use too much these days, yet I cannot stop from bringing it up. Joseph was a great explorer of doctrines. There are historians today who think the church today would be drastically different if he survived even six more months. One doctrine that never came about was where Joseph gave the role of Prophet to someone such as Hyrum and Joseph would go on to be a King. Another was his toying with ideas from Kabbalism. One idea from that book of doctrines was that of reincarnation, or transmigration. I love this side of Joseph. He was a pioneer in establishing sound doctrines and a pioneer as an example of flexibility in belief.
I am a subscriber to an LDS philosophy email list which talks a lot about current issues. What this Prop. 8 issues boils down to in my opinion is the fact that the church believes in the sacred nature of marriage, and those who oppose prop. 8 either believe the gov't. should stay out of things of such sacred nature altogether, or we should ignore the sacred aspect of it all, for that is left to the churches anyway. The church also realized the subject would be very delicate among members and urged continued loving relationship in spite of differences. Our authorities could see the anti-mormon surge as it gave its vocal and monetary support to a political issue. The Prophet knew members would not agree with an official position on this issue.
If the Prophet could gather all members who disagree with Him, what would He say to them? What would Joseph say? Imagine the discussions today if Mitt Romney was the Republican candidate. So many members voted for Obama and would have no matter which Republican ran. All I am saying is politics doesn't determine followership one bit. Not one bit at all. To say that those who disagree with church policy is putting their eternal life at stake is worse than any belief in a false doctrine, at least, according to Joseph Smith.
This quote I think I use too much these days, yet I cannot stop from bringing it up. Joseph was a great explorer of doctrines. There are historians today who think the church today would be drastically different if he survived even six more months. One doctrine that never came about was where Joseph gave the role of Prophet to someone such as Hyrum and Joseph would go on to be a King. Another was his toying with ideas from Kabbalism. One idea from that book of doctrines was that of reincarnation, or transmigration. I love this side of Joseph. He was a pioneer in establishing sound doctrines and a pioneer as an example of flexibility in belief.
I am a subscriber to an LDS philosophy email list which talks a lot about current issues. What this Prop. 8 issues boils down to in my opinion is the fact that the church believes in the sacred nature of marriage, and those who oppose prop. 8 either believe the gov't. should stay out of things of such sacred nature altogether, or we should ignore the sacred aspect of it all, for that is left to the churches anyway. The church also realized the subject would be very delicate among members and urged continued loving relationship in spite of differences. Our authorities could see the anti-mormon surge as it gave its vocal and monetary support to a political issue. The Prophet knew members would not agree with an official position on this issue.
If the Prophet could gather all members who disagree with Him, what would He say to them? What would Joseph say? Imagine the discussions today if Mitt Romney was the Republican candidate. So many members voted for Obama and would have no matter which Republican ran. All I am saying is politics doesn't determine followership one bit. Not one bit at all. To say that those who disagree with church policy is putting their eternal life at stake is worse than any belief in a false doctrine, at least, according to Joseph Smith.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
huh?
Tonight there is a lot on my mind. I probably won't write about everything making a mess in my noggin but I thought I'd post some ramblings nonetheless.
Why do we as a society look to our government for answers? Why are we less involved in those groups or clubs that attempt to do things themselves? Why do we look not only to our government, but to the President for answers? Yeah sure the office has a lot of power to influence our lives, yet if the country is doing great, we blame the Pres., if the country is doing poorly, we blame the Pres.. We seem to have become not only disconnected from the success and failure of our own country, but we seem to have grown into a sort of laziness about fixing society, and wait for the government to fix it for us.
My thoughts are that we need to reduce what we think of the government. We may not even need to do anything to change the democratic rule in place, only change the mindset of the people being ruled. Are communities not supposed to support themselves? Is a state no more than a boundary line with certain numbers that pertain only to elections? Now, it may not be this extreme, but in many ways, a lot of citizens go about their business with this mentality, and this, in my opinion, is one reason we not only have a broken economy, but also corruption on every level, more crime than ever, and a society where we possibly go years without even knowing our neighbors. It brings at least one other question to my mind: How big should our government be locally and nationally, and how big is it in comparison? I agree we have the right number in the House, we have the correct size pertaining to the Judiciary, Legislative and Executive branches...I think I am talking more about how big should they be on a power level. Do they have too much power? Do we give them too much power as we look to them for all our answers?
There isn't enough community involvement. We don't care anymore about one another. Corporations only care about their workers to keep productivity at a maximum. Neighborhoods only care about one another for self interest, which is what it boils down to in every aspect of ones life. "Is my self interest being served? If not, I will not waste my time".
I am just as much to blame as the next guy, but it weighs on my mind constantly. Reading "approaching zion" by Hugh Nibley doesn't help, granted, but now that I have started, once I finish, I think it will be one of those books I will always be reading. It is a call to true Christianity, true Humanity. Hugh talks about the evil of money and how we need to live the law of consecration, but we can at least prepare ourselves for that giant step by taking small ones in the right direction. We aren't doing that as communities.
Another thing on my mind is faith. It sure seems easy to be obedient when it is convenient or when it is an easy law to follow. Thou shalt not murder is easy for most and it is very narrow in scope. Following the Prophet is quite different. Your scope is very broad as it encompasses basically every other law given. If you are sinning in any way, you aren't following the Prophet. Yet when the Prophet comes out with a statement stress seems to be placed on being faithful to our leaders of the church who are called of God and lead us as Prophets, Seers and Revelators. Throwing that on an argument just seems to me to be faulty for nobody follows the Prophet like they should. Now when I say this, it would also seem that I am responding to specific words from specific people. The truth is this has also been on my mind for some time.
I don't follow the Prophet as well as I should. Interestingly enough, I equate that to following all the Prophets and following God. Yet I don't see them as interchangeable. I can claim to follow God yet not follow a Prophet. It is easy to take Brigham Young as an example today and talk about how he may not have been speaking as a mouthpiece for God when he taught about the Adam-God theory. Yet what were the Saints saying at the time? Brigham had Apostles directly under him who disagreed. Saints were expected then to do as we are expected now: follow the Prophet. Only time showed that Brigham seemed to be voicing an opinion.
Now I am not saying anything about Gordon Hinckley or Thomas Monson. I am not saying they have been voicing their opinion as men recently. I am only saying that being a "thinking Mormon" has its values. Being able to discern for oneself the value of the letter of the law in comparison to the spirit of the law seems to trump following the Prophet to the "T". Following the Prophet has a broader, more general scope for me than going out and doing what He says right after he says it. We have continuous revelation as a church because we believe this is God's Kingdom here on earth, yet we do nothing to further the kingdom. We live our lives, trying to be good little mormons, teach our children, go to church, fulfill our callings, maintain relationships with others in the spirit of love and follow Christ as close as possible, getting closer and closer everyday. But we are fooling ourselves, all of us. We gripe with each other over our 'lesser' government and its practices. We hurt relationships when we don't agree with each other. WHY ON EARTH....?
I am tired of life. I really am. I'm not suicidal by any means, but I seem to be having more bad days than good. It is hard to find the joy in the places I am supposed to find it. It is hard to be happy with so much on my mind that is telling me I am not where I should be. Change is interesting as well. Personal change seems hardest, yet community change, national change and global change is also necessary. I feel so guilty for being American and being a citizen of the greediest, most self-centered nation on the planet. I feel guilty for allowing homeless people to dwell in my community. I feel guilty for not spending more time giving to those people, and why? I could give hundreds of excuses, just like any of us. What a world we live in. Where there are such contrasts in cultures and lifestyles and priorities. Eating and surviving are at the top of the lists, yet we in the U.S. look past that and think about tomorrow and the next day, we think about our t.v.'s and our clothes and our beds and why the government is taxing us so much. We think about our two vehicles and decorating our houses we can't pay for for years.
Am I the only one thinking about all of this? Are we not a gross culture? We have been given gifts from God and we get sick off of them like a 4 year old on Halloween. Yet I do nothing. All I do is type on my laptop, continue to worry about homework from a class that cost more money than certain people of this world won't see in a lifetime. I will go to bed on my tempurpedic mattress I bought with tax return money this year, in a central air house with three bedrooms. I will rest easy because I don't think about the freezing homeless in Rapid City or the starving children of the world. I know Jesus loves me, but I also know He is ashamed that I call myself a Christian. Jesus spent His life among the sinners and homeless and sick. I go about my business like they aren't real.
Campaigners spend more money than I would like to remember just to advertise for being elected. Where does all that money go? We spend more money on useless things like that, fooling ourselves into thinking that they are important. I am ashamed tonight to even associate myself with humans. We are disgusting. These may seem like extremely harsh words, but deep down, I think most of you can agree with me. Yes, there are good people in the world, trying desperately to right these wrongs. Yes, there are great politicians although I have yet to see any, for if they are great, they would change things like the campaigning expenditures, or the negative advertising. We live in a world where two men bicker on tv and radio about how he can be better than the other because the other one is just plain evil.
It is also interesting to think about one other thing.
This election brought some topics up again that gets between people and causes division. What is interesting is that the two people involved agree on much of the issue at hand. Morally, the two are in harmony. Is this morally wrong? Yes. Should the government do something about it...................? Why does that split two people so much? What is it about the laws of the land that get us so heated? It isn't about whether abortion or gay marriage is right or wrong, it is whether the government should be involved. It is fascinating, again, to see how we turn to the government for all our answers.
Why do we as a society look to our government for answers? Why are we less involved in those groups or clubs that attempt to do things themselves? Why do we look not only to our government, but to the President for answers? Yeah sure the office has a lot of power to influence our lives, yet if the country is doing great, we blame the Pres., if the country is doing poorly, we blame the Pres.. We seem to have become not only disconnected from the success and failure of our own country, but we seem to have grown into a sort of laziness about fixing society, and wait for the government to fix it for us.
My thoughts are that we need to reduce what we think of the government. We may not even need to do anything to change the democratic rule in place, only change the mindset of the people being ruled. Are communities not supposed to support themselves? Is a state no more than a boundary line with certain numbers that pertain only to elections? Now, it may not be this extreme, but in many ways, a lot of citizens go about their business with this mentality, and this, in my opinion, is one reason we not only have a broken economy, but also corruption on every level, more crime than ever, and a society where we possibly go years without even knowing our neighbors. It brings at least one other question to my mind: How big should our government be locally and nationally, and how big is it in comparison? I agree we have the right number in the House, we have the correct size pertaining to the Judiciary, Legislative and Executive branches...I think I am talking more about how big should they be on a power level. Do they have too much power? Do we give them too much power as we look to them for all our answers?
There isn't enough community involvement. We don't care anymore about one another. Corporations only care about their workers to keep productivity at a maximum. Neighborhoods only care about one another for self interest, which is what it boils down to in every aspect of ones life. "Is my self interest being served? If not, I will not waste my time".
I am just as much to blame as the next guy, but it weighs on my mind constantly. Reading "approaching zion" by Hugh Nibley doesn't help, granted, but now that I have started, once I finish, I think it will be one of those books I will always be reading. It is a call to true Christianity, true Humanity. Hugh talks about the evil of money and how we need to live the law of consecration, but we can at least prepare ourselves for that giant step by taking small ones in the right direction. We aren't doing that as communities.
Another thing on my mind is faith. It sure seems easy to be obedient when it is convenient or when it is an easy law to follow. Thou shalt not murder is easy for most and it is very narrow in scope. Following the Prophet is quite different. Your scope is very broad as it encompasses basically every other law given. If you are sinning in any way, you aren't following the Prophet. Yet when the Prophet comes out with a statement stress seems to be placed on being faithful to our leaders of the church who are called of God and lead us as Prophets, Seers and Revelators. Throwing that on an argument just seems to me to be faulty for nobody follows the Prophet like they should. Now when I say this, it would also seem that I am responding to specific words from specific people. The truth is this has also been on my mind for some time.
I don't follow the Prophet as well as I should. Interestingly enough, I equate that to following all the Prophets and following God. Yet I don't see them as interchangeable. I can claim to follow God yet not follow a Prophet. It is easy to take Brigham Young as an example today and talk about how he may not have been speaking as a mouthpiece for God when he taught about the Adam-God theory. Yet what were the Saints saying at the time? Brigham had Apostles directly under him who disagreed. Saints were expected then to do as we are expected now: follow the Prophet. Only time showed that Brigham seemed to be voicing an opinion.
Now I am not saying anything about Gordon Hinckley or Thomas Monson. I am not saying they have been voicing their opinion as men recently. I am only saying that being a "thinking Mormon" has its values. Being able to discern for oneself the value of the letter of the law in comparison to the spirit of the law seems to trump following the Prophet to the "T". Following the Prophet has a broader, more general scope for me than going out and doing what He says right after he says it. We have continuous revelation as a church because we believe this is God's Kingdom here on earth, yet we do nothing to further the kingdom. We live our lives, trying to be good little mormons, teach our children, go to church, fulfill our callings, maintain relationships with others in the spirit of love and follow Christ as close as possible, getting closer and closer everyday. But we are fooling ourselves, all of us. We gripe with each other over our 'lesser' government and its practices. We hurt relationships when we don't agree with each other. WHY ON EARTH....?
I am tired of life. I really am. I'm not suicidal by any means, but I seem to be having more bad days than good. It is hard to find the joy in the places I am supposed to find it. It is hard to be happy with so much on my mind that is telling me I am not where I should be. Change is interesting as well. Personal change seems hardest, yet community change, national change and global change is also necessary. I feel so guilty for being American and being a citizen of the greediest, most self-centered nation on the planet. I feel guilty for allowing homeless people to dwell in my community. I feel guilty for not spending more time giving to those people, and why? I could give hundreds of excuses, just like any of us. What a world we live in. Where there are such contrasts in cultures and lifestyles and priorities. Eating and surviving are at the top of the lists, yet we in the U.S. look past that and think about tomorrow and the next day, we think about our t.v.'s and our clothes and our beds and why the government is taxing us so much. We think about our two vehicles and decorating our houses we can't pay for for years.
Am I the only one thinking about all of this? Are we not a gross culture? We have been given gifts from God and we get sick off of them like a 4 year old on Halloween. Yet I do nothing. All I do is type on my laptop, continue to worry about homework from a class that cost more money than certain people of this world won't see in a lifetime. I will go to bed on my tempurpedic mattress I bought with tax return money this year, in a central air house with three bedrooms. I will rest easy because I don't think about the freezing homeless in Rapid City or the starving children of the world. I know Jesus loves me, but I also know He is ashamed that I call myself a Christian. Jesus spent His life among the sinners and homeless and sick. I go about my business like they aren't real.
Campaigners spend more money than I would like to remember just to advertise for being elected. Where does all that money go? We spend more money on useless things like that, fooling ourselves into thinking that they are important. I am ashamed tonight to even associate myself with humans. We are disgusting. These may seem like extremely harsh words, but deep down, I think most of you can agree with me. Yes, there are good people in the world, trying desperately to right these wrongs. Yes, there are great politicians although I have yet to see any, for if they are great, they would change things like the campaigning expenditures, or the negative advertising. We live in a world where two men bicker on tv and radio about how he can be better than the other because the other one is just plain evil.
It is also interesting to think about one other thing.
This election brought some topics up again that gets between people and causes division. What is interesting is that the two people involved agree on much of the issue at hand. Morally, the two are in harmony. Is this morally wrong? Yes. Should the government do something about it...................? Why does that split two people so much? What is it about the laws of the land that get us so heated? It isn't about whether abortion or gay marriage is right or wrong, it is whether the government should be involved. It is fascinating, again, to see how we turn to the government for all our answers.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
End of an Era
So I have been blessed these last three years to be a part of what is called Weapons Standardization. Those that accept this special assignment within weapons loaders are considered the elite of all loaders. They extended an invitation to be interviewed for this job three years ago this month. I was a bit nervous, but I learned the ropes and soon became a regular evaluator. I would certify, decertify and maintain certification on all the weapons loaders at Ellsworth AFB. Now of course I am only on one shift at a time, but during my three year tenure, I got to know all the weapons troops, even though I regularly saw only the ones on my shift.
Well three years is basically the maximum anyone can serve on a special assignment, so my time is up. I am to go back to the flightline, back to the cold, and back to regular loading. As I left, I left the line as a three-man, went to loadbarn and became certified as a four-man, later made staff sergeant and they bumped me up to 2-man, put staff sergeant on, prepared to leave loadbarn and they decided they needed me on the line as a team chief (one-man). So I certified as a team chief this last week in preperation to go back to the line this week. For this, I am more nervous for. Being a team chief means that I am in charge of three other individuals as we load. This also means that I am in charge of the load pad (where the plane sits).
It was a nice three years at loadbarn. I learned a great deal and enjoyed being inside for the most part in the harsh south dakota weather. I worked next to some of the finest loaders at Ellsworth, experienced the personalities of three different wing weapons managers, and also four loadbarn shop chiefs. The only real experience I got was once a month for our MPRL loads and the six-month deployment I went on to Al Udeid.
I don't expect to stay on the flightline for very long as I am looking to retrain into another career field inside the Air Force. I feel the need to broaden my horizons, to change bases and to seek a career that will more easily pay dividends in the civilian world later on in life. But that is a chapter in my book still left to be written. For now, I start the chapter that includes me holding every position on a loading crew, taking more of a leadership position, and stepping into a world that I have no idea how to navigate through...yay for me.
Well three years is basically the maximum anyone can serve on a special assignment, so my time is up. I am to go back to the flightline, back to the cold, and back to regular loading. As I left, I left the line as a three-man, went to loadbarn and became certified as a four-man, later made staff sergeant and they bumped me up to 2-man, put staff sergeant on, prepared to leave loadbarn and they decided they needed me on the line as a team chief (one-man). So I certified as a team chief this last week in preperation to go back to the line this week. For this, I am more nervous for. Being a team chief means that I am in charge of three other individuals as we load. This also means that I am in charge of the load pad (where the plane sits).
It was a nice three years at loadbarn. I learned a great deal and enjoyed being inside for the most part in the harsh south dakota weather. I worked next to some of the finest loaders at Ellsworth, experienced the personalities of three different wing weapons managers, and also four loadbarn shop chiefs. The only real experience I got was once a month for our MPRL loads and the six-month deployment I went on to Al Udeid.
I don't expect to stay on the flightline for very long as I am looking to retrain into another career field inside the Air Force. I feel the need to broaden my horizons, to change bases and to seek a career that will more easily pay dividends in the civilian world later on in life. But that is a chapter in my book still left to be written. For now, I start the chapter that includes me holding every position on a loading crew, taking more of a leadership position, and stepping into a world that I have no idea how to navigate through...yay for me.
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