A New Experience

This week has been quite a new experience for me. For those of you that are interested, my Father's obituary are posted on Alex's and Bryan & Tiffany's Blogs. A million thoughts have flooded my brain ever since I posted about my Father weeks ago. As I digitize these thoughts, they will be integrated with others as I continue to live and learn.
My first thought regards relationships. Blake Ostler couldn't emphasize enough in his first book that the primary concern God has and that we should have is our relationship or, God's primary concern is having a relationship with us, and our primary concern should be to have a relationship with Him. Seeking and having a relationship with our Father in heaven implies many things pertaining to righteousness. So when, as an adult but only 28 I watched as family and friends flooded in to pay respects to my parents, I was viewing a viewing and a funeral from a new view. Not only do people come and say goodbye, but they share memories about that person. This only enriches my own memories about my Dad.

From the beginning I knew what an awesome family I had. I enjoy a position in a family where I can lean on any member for support and that goes for every person. We do have our limits like any family, but there is no ill will, no cold shoulders or backbiting or back stabbing. We all talk and we all enjoy each others company and friendship and bond that only family members share. This only strengthens when a death occurs within this tight family. I couldn't have survived this week without this blessing.

I had the unfortunate position of living eleven hours away during all of this. I arrived Tuesday night just after my dad had passed. Since then I have been truly amazed and grateful for the strength within my mother. According to my siblings, she has also had this strength before I arrived. My brothers and sister were able to see her reconnect to dad almost like they were newlyweds. Years of pain and suffering melted away as they held each other and found the brightness of the gospel fill their lives. Although dad was still suffering, they both experienced some sweet moments before dad had to leave her in mortality. Even though emotional and obviously showing her love for her husband, she has been exceptional in all of this. She has been the benefactor of the Spirit of Peace and has ensured direct lines of communication and constant companionship of the Holy Ghost to give her this great comfort. Thank you mother for your wonderful example and for transmitting this comfort to us.

I am experiencing a fresh outlook on life. Certain things are much more meaningful and certain others are much less. I am happy to say these things have adjusted for the better. Wisdom seems to come in this way. Circumstance and experience play through to give experience and wisdom. This should in turn open one for more submissiveness to Father and proof to Him that you are ready for more gifts. I am a long way off of all these wonderful sounding things, but I have been given a gift of understanding and believing the gospel plan. My suffering comes from knowing what I am missing out I suppose.

My last thought for now pertains to my Father. When my grandparents died I knew they could see me at anytime but it didn't affect my actions too much. Now that my Father is in a position to 'spy' on me, I am much more cognisant of the fact that he could be watching me at anytime. This has in turn made me think about everything I do before I do them in a whole new light. A father is much different that some relative you didn't live with or have a vested interest in comparable to a dad. This also affects me for the better.

I have to give a pathetic thank you to everyone who gives in this time of need for me and my family. We feel the prayers most of all, thank you. We are also very grateful for temporary gifts such as dinners and your time. Nothing goes unnoticed and even though anything I give is little, your real reward awaits you with our mutal Father. Enjoying a community where support is given such as in times like this is phenomenal and I thank you all for allowing me to be a part of that community once again, even though I don't live in Utah. I think that is part of what makes it so amazing. Thank you thank you thank you.