letter from dad, oct. 1999

So I found what I wanted to have there in Utah. A lot of missionaries have this moment on the mission where they don't feel they are in the right place. At this time of struggle in my life, my father imparted some hand-written wisdom to me. This is the whole of it, typed as accurately to what he wrote as possible.


My friend, your ole dad has been revived from the dead long enough to write a letter. If I write nothing else, I love you. Allow me to impart a few thoughts which bring solace to my soul, hoping you will weigh my words and find a few nuggets worth keeping. This comment provokes my first thought said of the pioneers: “They cut desire into short lengths and fed it to the hungry fires of tribulation. Long after those fires had died, molten gold gleamed in the ashes which was gathered in bruised palms then handed to their children and on to their children’s children throughout all generations of time”.
Next I reflect upon Holland’s last conference talk wherein he spoke of hope. No one in mortality is spared the pain and sorrow and difficulty that are inevitable in a fallen world. We all have our share of troubles, and sometimes it may seem we have more than our share. But we must try to remember that our “afflictions shall be but a small moment” and if we “endure it well” God shall exalt us on high. (Read D&C 122) Someday if faithful you and I will sing with our pioneer ancestors, “all is well, all is well.”
I am concerned about a problem that is universal and can, at any given hour, strike anyone anytime, anywhere. I believe it is a form of evil and can have damaging effects that block our growth, dampen our spirits, diminish our hopes, and leave us vulnerable to other more conspicuous evils. There is nothing that Satan uses quite so cunningly or cleverly in his work on missionaries, or in my situation, old men. I speak of doubt, especially self-doubt, of discouragement, and of despair. (Forgive my handwriting, my shoulder is my excuse).
It has been said that “trouble has no necessary connection with discouragement – discouragement has a germ of its own, as different from trouble as a [bad rotator cuff] is different from a stiff joint. Brackets added. We all have troubles, but the “germ” of discouragement is not in the trouble itself; it is in us – or to be more precise, I believe it is in Satan, the prince of darkness, the father of lies. And he would have it be in us. It is frequently a small germ, but it will grow and spread. In fact, it can become almost a habit, a way of thinking, and there the greatest damage is done. Then it takes an increasingly severe toll on our spirits, for it erodes the deepest religious commitments we can make – those of faith, hope and charity. We turn inward and look downward, and these greatest of Christlike virtues are damaged and impaired. We become unhappy, and soon make others unhappy. Then Lucifer laughs!
Some things are not under our control. Some disappointments come regardless of our effort and preparation, for God wishes us to be strong as well as good. We need to drive these experiences into the corner, painful though they may be, and learn from them. Holland wrote, “To those who are trying hard and living right and things still seem burdensome and difficult, I say, take heart. Others have walked that way before you. Do you feel unpopular and different or outside in inside things? Read Noah again. Go out there and take a few whacks on the side of your ark and see what popularity was like in 2500 B.C. Holland continues:
Does the wilderness strech before you in a never-ending sequence of sand dunes? Read Moses again. Calculate the burden of fighting with the pharoahs and then a 40 year assignment in Sinai. Some tasks take time. Accept that. But as the scriptures say, They “come to pass!” They do end. We will cross over Jordan eventually. Others have done it – and so can we.
Are you afraid people don’t like you? The Prophet Joseph Smith could share a few thoughts on the subject. Is pain or health a problem? Surely you will find comfort as you review the lives of many General Authorities and past Prophets of the church who have in some sense become what they are not only in spite of their physical burdens but also in part, because of them. You can take courage from your shared sacrifice that these giants of men have defied disease and even death and have shaken their fists at the forces of darkness and cried when there was hardly strength to walk. (Maxwell, Kimball) “oh Lord, I am yet strong. Give me one more mountain” See Joshua 14: 11-12.
Do you ever feel untalented or incapable or inferior? Would it help you to know that everyone else feels that way too, including the prophets of God? Moses initially resisted his destiny, pleading that he was not eloquent in language. Jeremiah thought himself a child and was afraid of the faces he would meet.
And Enoch? This is the young man who, when called to a seemingly impossible task, said, “Why is it that I have found favor in they sight and am but a lad, and all the people hate me; for I am slow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?” Moses 6:31. But Enoch was a believer. He stiffened his spine and squared his shoulders and went stuttering on his way. Plain old ungifted inferior Enoch.
And this is what the angels would come to write of him: So great was the faith of Enoch that he led the people of God, and their enemies came to battle against them; and he spake the word of the Lord, and the earth trembled, and the mountains fled, even according to his command; and the rivers of water were turned out of their course; and the roar of the lions was heard out of the wilderness and all nations feared greatly, so powerful was the word of Enoch, and so great was the power of the language which God had given him. Moses 7:13
Too little, too late, inadequate Enoch – whose name is now synonymous with transcendent righteousness! The next time you are tempted to paint your self-portrait dismal gray highlighted with lackluster beige, just remember that so have this kingdom’s most splendid men and women been tempted. I say to you, as Joshua said to the tribes of Isreal, as they faced one of their most difficult tasks, “Sanctify yourselves; for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you.” Joshua 3:5
Holland concludes:
1. Pray earnestly and fast with purpose and devotion. Some difficulties, like devils, do not come out save by fasting and by prayer. Ask in righteousness and you will receive. Knock with conviction and it will be opened unto you.
2. Immerse yourself in the scriptures. You will find your own experiences described there. You will find spirit and strength there. You will find solutions and counsel. Nephi says “The words of Christ will tell you all things what you should do” 2 Nephi 32:3
3. Serve others. The heavenly paradox is that only in so doing can you save yourself.
4. Be patient. As Robert Frost wrote, with many things the only way out is through. Keep moving Keep trying.
5. Have faith. “Has the day of miracles ceased?” or have angels ceased to appear unto the children of men? Or has he withheld the power of the Holy Ghost from them? Or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved? Behold I say unto you, Nay: for it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men. Moroni 7:35-37.
Read 2 Kings 6:14-17
In the gospel of Jesus Christ we have help from both sides of the veil. When disappointment and discouragement strike – and they will – we need to remember that if our eyes could be opened, we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see, riding at great speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, the armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham’s seed.
We have been give this promise:
“Ye are little children, and ye have not yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you; and ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. D&C 78:17-18.
I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left…and mine angels shall be round about you, to bear you up D&C 78:18
The poet wrote:
I came to the swift raging river,
And its roar held the echo of fear.
“Lord, please give me wings to fly over,
If you are, as you’ve promised so near.”
But He said, “Take the grace I am giving,
All pervasive, sufficient for you;
Take my hand, and we’ll face this together,
But my plan is – Not over, but through.”

The race is not to the swift,
Nor the battle to the strong,
But to him who endureth to the end.
I pray for us all to run such race and fight such a battle –
Love Dad
Oct 1999