This week has been quite a new experience for me. For those of you that are interested, my Father's obituary are posted on Alex's and Bryan & Tiffany's Blogs. A million thoughts have flooded my brain ever since I posted about my Father weeks ago. As I digitize these thoughts, they will be integrated with others as I continue to live and learn.
My first thought regards relationships. Blake Ostler couldn't emphasize enough in his first book that the primary concern God has and that we should have is our relationship or, God's primary concern is having a relationship with us, and our primary concern should be to have a relationship with Him. Seeking and having a relationship with our Father in heaven implies many things pertaining to righteousness. So when, as an adult but only 28 I watched as family and friends flooded in to pay respects to my parents, I was viewing a viewing and a funeral from a new view. Not only do people come and say goodbye, but they share memories about that person. This only enriches my own memories about my Dad.
From the beginning I knew what an awesome family I had. I enjoy a position in a family where I can lean on any member for support and that goes for every person. We do have our limits like any family, but there is no ill will, no cold shoulders or backbiting or back stabbing. We all talk and we all enjoy each others company and friendship and bond that only family members share. This only strengthens when a death occurs within this tight family. I couldn't have survived this week without this blessing.
I had the unfortunate position of living eleven hours away during all of this. I arrived Tuesday night just after my dad had passed. Since then I have been truly amazed and grateful for the strength within my mother. According to my siblings, she has also had this strength before I arrived. My brothers and sister were able to see her reconnect to dad almost like they were newlyweds. Years of pain and suffering melted away as they held each other and found the brightness of the gospel fill their lives. Although dad was still suffering, they both experienced some sweet moments before dad had to leave her in mortality. Even though emotional and obviously showing her love for her husband, she has been exceptional in all of this. She has been the benefactor of the Spirit of Peace and has ensured direct lines of communication and constant companionship of the Holy Ghost to give her this great comfort. Thank you mother for your wonderful example and for transmitting this comfort to us.
I am experiencing a fresh outlook on life. Certain things are much more meaningful and certain others are much less. I am happy to say these things have adjusted for the better. Wisdom seems to come in this way. Circumstance and experience play through to give experience and wisdom. This should in turn open one for more submissiveness to Father and proof to Him that you are ready for more gifts. I am a long way off of all these wonderful sounding things, but I have been given a gift of understanding and believing the gospel plan. My suffering comes from knowing what I am missing out I suppose.
My last thought for now pertains to my Father. When my grandparents died I knew they could see me at anytime but it didn't affect my actions too much. Now that my Father is in a position to 'spy' on me, I am much more cognisant of the fact that he could be watching me at anytime. This has in turn made me think about everything I do before I do them in a whole new light. A father is much different that some relative you didn't live with or have a vested interest in comparable to a dad. This also affects me for the better.
I have to give a pathetic thank you to everyone who gives in this time of need for me and my family. We feel the prayers most of all, thank you. We are also very grateful for temporary gifts such as dinners and your time. Nothing goes unnoticed and even though anything I give is little, your real reward awaits you with our mutal Father. Enjoying a community where support is given such as in times like this is phenomenal and I thank you all for allowing me to be a part of that community once again, even though I don't live in Utah. I think that is part of what makes it so amazing. Thank you thank you thank you.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
More from a wayward child
"I never thought it was right to call up a man and try him because he erred in doctrine, it looks too much like methodism and not like Latter day Saintism. Methodists have creeds which a man must believe or be kicked out of their church. I want the liberty of believing as I please, it feels so good not to be tramelled. It dont prove that a man is not a good man, because he errs in doctrine." - Joseph Smith
This quote I think I use too much these days, yet I cannot stop from bringing it up. Joseph was a great explorer of doctrines. There are historians today who think the church today would be drastically different if he survived even six more months. One doctrine that never came about was where Joseph gave the role of Prophet to someone such as Hyrum and Joseph would go on to be a King. Another was his toying with ideas from Kabbalism. One idea from that book of doctrines was that of reincarnation, or transmigration. I love this side of Joseph. He was a pioneer in establishing sound doctrines and a pioneer as an example of flexibility in belief.
I am a subscriber to an LDS philosophy email list which talks a lot about current issues. What this Prop. 8 issues boils down to in my opinion is the fact that the church believes in the sacred nature of marriage, and those who oppose prop. 8 either believe the gov't. should stay out of things of such sacred nature altogether, or we should ignore the sacred aspect of it all, for that is left to the churches anyway. The church also realized the subject would be very delicate among members and urged continued loving relationship in spite of differences. Our authorities could see the anti-mormon surge as it gave its vocal and monetary support to a political issue. The Prophet knew members would not agree with an official position on this issue.
If the Prophet could gather all members who disagree with Him, what would He say to them? What would Joseph say? Imagine the discussions today if Mitt Romney was the Republican candidate. So many members voted for Obama and would have no matter which Republican ran. All I am saying is politics doesn't determine followership one bit. Not one bit at all. To say that those who disagree with church policy is putting their eternal life at stake is worse than any belief in a false doctrine, at least, according to Joseph Smith.
This quote I think I use too much these days, yet I cannot stop from bringing it up. Joseph was a great explorer of doctrines. There are historians today who think the church today would be drastically different if he survived even six more months. One doctrine that never came about was where Joseph gave the role of Prophet to someone such as Hyrum and Joseph would go on to be a King. Another was his toying with ideas from Kabbalism. One idea from that book of doctrines was that of reincarnation, or transmigration. I love this side of Joseph. He was a pioneer in establishing sound doctrines and a pioneer as an example of flexibility in belief.
I am a subscriber to an LDS philosophy email list which talks a lot about current issues. What this Prop. 8 issues boils down to in my opinion is the fact that the church believes in the sacred nature of marriage, and those who oppose prop. 8 either believe the gov't. should stay out of things of such sacred nature altogether, or we should ignore the sacred aspect of it all, for that is left to the churches anyway. The church also realized the subject would be very delicate among members and urged continued loving relationship in spite of differences. Our authorities could see the anti-mormon surge as it gave its vocal and monetary support to a political issue. The Prophet knew members would not agree with an official position on this issue.
If the Prophet could gather all members who disagree with Him, what would He say to them? What would Joseph say? Imagine the discussions today if Mitt Romney was the Republican candidate. So many members voted for Obama and would have no matter which Republican ran. All I am saying is politics doesn't determine followership one bit. Not one bit at all. To say that those who disagree with church policy is putting their eternal life at stake is worse than any belief in a false doctrine, at least, according to Joseph Smith.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
huh?
Tonight there is a lot on my mind. I probably won't write about everything making a mess in my noggin but I thought I'd post some ramblings nonetheless.
Why do we as a society look to our government for answers? Why are we less involved in those groups or clubs that attempt to do things themselves? Why do we look not only to our government, but to the President for answers? Yeah sure the office has a lot of power to influence our lives, yet if the country is doing great, we blame the Pres., if the country is doing poorly, we blame the Pres.. We seem to have become not only disconnected from the success and failure of our own country, but we seem to have grown into a sort of laziness about fixing society, and wait for the government to fix it for us.
My thoughts are that we need to reduce what we think of the government. We may not even need to do anything to change the democratic rule in place, only change the mindset of the people being ruled. Are communities not supposed to support themselves? Is a state no more than a boundary line with certain numbers that pertain only to elections? Now, it may not be this extreme, but in many ways, a lot of citizens go about their business with this mentality, and this, in my opinion, is one reason we not only have a broken economy, but also corruption on every level, more crime than ever, and a society where we possibly go years without even knowing our neighbors. It brings at least one other question to my mind: How big should our government be locally and nationally, and how big is it in comparison? I agree we have the right number in the House, we have the correct size pertaining to the Judiciary, Legislative and Executive branches...I think I am talking more about how big should they be on a power level. Do they have too much power? Do we give them too much power as we look to them for all our answers?
There isn't enough community involvement. We don't care anymore about one another. Corporations only care about their workers to keep productivity at a maximum. Neighborhoods only care about one another for self interest, which is what it boils down to in every aspect of ones life. "Is my self interest being served? If not, I will not waste my time".
I am just as much to blame as the next guy, but it weighs on my mind constantly. Reading "approaching zion" by Hugh Nibley doesn't help, granted, but now that I have started, once I finish, I think it will be one of those books I will always be reading. It is a call to true Christianity, true Humanity. Hugh talks about the evil of money and how we need to live the law of consecration, but we can at least prepare ourselves for that giant step by taking small ones in the right direction. We aren't doing that as communities.
Another thing on my mind is faith. It sure seems easy to be obedient when it is convenient or when it is an easy law to follow. Thou shalt not murder is easy for most and it is very narrow in scope. Following the Prophet is quite different. Your scope is very broad as it encompasses basically every other law given. If you are sinning in any way, you aren't following the Prophet. Yet when the Prophet comes out with a statement stress seems to be placed on being faithful to our leaders of the church who are called of God and lead us as Prophets, Seers and Revelators. Throwing that on an argument just seems to me to be faulty for nobody follows the Prophet like they should. Now when I say this, it would also seem that I am responding to specific words from specific people. The truth is this has also been on my mind for some time.
I don't follow the Prophet as well as I should. Interestingly enough, I equate that to following all the Prophets and following God. Yet I don't see them as interchangeable. I can claim to follow God yet not follow a Prophet. It is easy to take Brigham Young as an example today and talk about how he may not have been speaking as a mouthpiece for God when he taught about the Adam-God theory. Yet what were the Saints saying at the time? Brigham had Apostles directly under him who disagreed. Saints were expected then to do as we are expected now: follow the Prophet. Only time showed that Brigham seemed to be voicing an opinion.
Now I am not saying anything about Gordon Hinckley or Thomas Monson. I am not saying they have been voicing their opinion as men recently. I am only saying that being a "thinking Mormon" has its values. Being able to discern for oneself the value of the letter of the law in comparison to the spirit of the law seems to trump following the Prophet to the "T". Following the Prophet has a broader, more general scope for me than going out and doing what He says right after he says it. We have continuous revelation as a church because we believe this is God's Kingdom here on earth, yet we do nothing to further the kingdom. We live our lives, trying to be good little mormons, teach our children, go to church, fulfill our callings, maintain relationships with others in the spirit of love and follow Christ as close as possible, getting closer and closer everyday. But we are fooling ourselves, all of us. We gripe with each other over our 'lesser' government and its practices. We hurt relationships when we don't agree with each other. WHY ON EARTH....?
I am tired of life. I really am. I'm not suicidal by any means, but I seem to be having more bad days than good. It is hard to find the joy in the places I am supposed to find it. It is hard to be happy with so much on my mind that is telling me I am not where I should be. Change is interesting as well. Personal change seems hardest, yet community change, national change and global change is also necessary. I feel so guilty for being American and being a citizen of the greediest, most self-centered nation on the planet. I feel guilty for allowing homeless people to dwell in my community. I feel guilty for not spending more time giving to those people, and why? I could give hundreds of excuses, just like any of us. What a world we live in. Where there are such contrasts in cultures and lifestyles and priorities. Eating and surviving are at the top of the lists, yet we in the U.S. look past that and think about tomorrow and the next day, we think about our t.v.'s and our clothes and our beds and why the government is taxing us so much. We think about our two vehicles and decorating our houses we can't pay for for years.
Am I the only one thinking about all of this? Are we not a gross culture? We have been given gifts from God and we get sick off of them like a 4 year old on Halloween. Yet I do nothing. All I do is type on my laptop, continue to worry about homework from a class that cost more money than certain people of this world won't see in a lifetime. I will go to bed on my tempurpedic mattress I bought with tax return money this year, in a central air house with three bedrooms. I will rest easy because I don't think about the freezing homeless in Rapid City or the starving children of the world. I know Jesus loves me, but I also know He is ashamed that I call myself a Christian. Jesus spent His life among the sinners and homeless and sick. I go about my business like they aren't real.
Campaigners spend more money than I would like to remember just to advertise for being elected. Where does all that money go? We spend more money on useless things like that, fooling ourselves into thinking that they are important. I am ashamed tonight to even associate myself with humans. We are disgusting. These may seem like extremely harsh words, but deep down, I think most of you can agree with me. Yes, there are good people in the world, trying desperately to right these wrongs. Yes, there are great politicians although I have yet to see any, for if they are great, they would change things like the campaigning expenditures, or the negative advertising. We live in a world where two men bicker on tv and radio about how he can be better than the other because the other one is just plain evil.
It is also interesting to think about one other thing.
This election brought some topics up again that gets between people and causes division. What is interesting is that the two people involved agree on much of the issue at hand. Morally, the two are in harmony. Is this morally wrong? Yes. Should the government do something about it...................? Why does that split two people so much? What is it about the laws of the land that get us so heated? It isn't about whether abortion or gay marriage is right or wrong, it is whether the government should be involved. It is fascinating, again, to see how we turn to the government for all our answers.
Why do we as a society look to our government for answers? Why are we less involved in those groups or clubs that attempt to do things themselves? Why do we look not only to our government, but to the President for answers? Yeah sure the office has a lot of power to influence our lives, yet if the country is doing great, we blame the Pres., if the country is doing poorly, we blame the Pres.. We seem to have become not only disconnected from the success and failure of our own country, but we seem to have grown into a sort of laziness about fixing society, and wait for the government to fix it for us.
My thoughts are that we need to reduce what we think of the government. We may not even need to do anything to change the democratic rule in place, only change the mindset of the people being ruled. Are communities not supposed to support themselves? Is a state no more than a boundary line with certain numbers that pertain only to elections? Now, it may not be this extreme, but in many ways, a lot of citizens go about their business with this mentality, and this, in my opinion, is one reason we not only have a broken economy, but also corruption on every level, more crime than ever, and a society where we possibly go years without even knowing our neighbors. It brings at least one other question to my mind: How big should our government be locally and nationally, and how big is it in comparison? I agree we have the right number in the House, we have the correct size pertaining to the Judiciary, Legislative and Executive branches...I think I am talking more about how big should they be on a power level. Do they have too much power? Do we give them too much power as we look to them for all our answers?
There isn't enough community involvement. We don't care anymore about one another. Corporations only care about their workers to keep productivity at a maximum. Neighborhoods only care about one another for self interest, which is what it boils down to in every aspect of ones life. "Is my self interest being served? If not, I will not waste my time".
I am just as much to blame as the next guy, but it weighs on my mind constantly. Reading "approaching zion" by Hugh Nibley doesn't help, granted, but now that I have started, once I finish, I think it will be one of those books I will always be reading. It is a call to true Christianity, true Humanity. Hugh talks about the evil of money and how we need to live the law of consecration, but we can at least prepare ourselves for that giant step by taking small ones in the right direction. We aren't doing that as communities.
Another thing on my mind is faith. It sure seems easy to be obedient when it is convenient or when it is an easy law to follow. Thou shalt not murder is easy for most and it is very narrow in scope. Following the Prophet is quite different. Your scope is very broad as it encompasses basically every other law given. If you are sinning in any way, you aren't following the Prophet. Yet when the Prophet comes out with a statement stress seems to be placed on being faithful to our leaders of the church who are called of God and lead us as Prophets, Seers and Revelators. Throwing that on an argument just seems to me to be faulty for nobody follows the Prophet like they should. Now when I say this, it would also seem that I am responding to specific words from specific people. The truth is this has also been on my mind for some time.
I don't follow the Prophet as well as I should. Interestingly enough, I equate that to following all the Prophets and following God. Yet I don't see them as interchangeable. I can claim to follow God yet not follow a Prophet. It is easy to take Brigham Young as an example today and talk about how he may not have been speaking as a mouthpiece for God when he taught about the Adam-God theory. Yet what were the Saints saying at the time? Brigham had Apostles directly under him who disagreed. Saints were expected then to do as we are expected now: follow the Prophet. Only time showed that Brigham seemed to be voicing an opinion.
Now I am not saying anything about Gordon Hinckley or Thomas Monson. I am not saying they have been voicing their opinion as men recently. I am only saying that being a "thinking Mormon" has its values. Being able to discern for oneself the value of the letter of the law in comparison to the spirit of the law seems to trump following the Prophet to the "T". Following the Prophet has a broader, more general scope for me than going out and doing what He says right after he says it. We have continuous revelation as a church because we believe this is God's Kingdom here on earth, yet we do nothing to further the kingdom. We live our lives, trying to be good little mormons, teach our children, go to church, fulfill our callings, maintain relationships with others in the spirit of love and follow Christ as close as possible, getting closer and closer everyday. But we are fooling ourselves, all of us. We gripe with each other over our 'lesser' government and its practices. We hurt relationships when we don't agree with each other. WHY ON EARTH....?
I am tired of life. I really am. I'm not suicidal by any means, but I seem to be having more bad days than good. It is hard to find the joy in the places I am supposed to find it. It is hard to be happy with so much on my mind that is telling me I am not where I should be. Change is interesting as well. Personal change seems hardest, yet community change, national change and global change is also necessary. I feel so guilty for being American and being a citizen of the greediest, most self-centered nation on the planet. I feel guilty for allowing homeless people to dwell in my community. I feel guilty for not spending more time giving to those people, and why? I could give hundreds of excuses, just like any of us. What a world we live in. Where there are such contrasts in cultures and lifestyles and priorities. Eating and surviving are at the top of the lists, yet we in the U.S. look past that and think about tomorrow and the next day, we think about our t.v.'s and our clothes and our beds and why the government is taxing us so much. We think about our two vehicles and decorating our houses we can't pay for for years.
Am I the only one thinking about all of this? Are we not a gross culture? We have been given gifts from God and we get sick off of them like a 4 year old on Halloween. Yet I do nothing. All I do is type on my laptop, continue to worry about homework from a class that cost more money than certain people of this world won't see in a lifetime. I will go to bed on my tempurpedic mattress I bought with tax return money this year, in a central air house with three bedrooms. I will rest easy because I don't think about the freezing homeless in Rapid City or the starving children of the world. I know Jesus loves me, but I also know He is ashamed that I call myself a Christian. Jesus spent His life among the sinners and homeless and sick. I go about my business like they aren't real.
Campaigners spend more money than I would like to remember just to advertise for being elected. Where does all that money go? We spend more money on useless things like that, fooling ourselves into thinking that they are important. I am ashamed tonight to even associate myself with humans. We are disgusting. These may seem like extremely harsh words, but deep down, I think most of you can agree with me. Yes, there are good people in the world, trying desperately to right these wrongs. Yes, there are great politicians although I have yet to see any, for if they are great, they would change things like the campaigning expenditures, or the negative advertising. We live in a world where two men bicker on tv and radio about how he can be better than the other because the other one is just plain evil.
It is also interesting to think about one other thing.
This election brought some topics up again that gets between people and causes division. What is interesting is that the two people involved agree on much of the issue at hand. Morally, the two are in harmony. Is this morally wrong? Yes. Should the government do something about it...................? Why does that split two people so much? What is it about the laws of the land that get us so heated? It isn't about whether abortion or gay marriage is right or wrong, it is whether the government should be involved. It is fascinating, again, to see how we turn to the government for all our answers.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
End of an Era
So I have been blessed these last three years to be a part of what is called Weapons Standardization. Those that accept this special assignment within weapons loaders are considered the elite of all loaders. They extended an invitation to be interviewed for this job three years ago this month. I was a bit nervous, but I learned the ropes and soon became a regular evaluator. I would certify, decertify and maintain certification on all the weapons loaders at Ellsworth AFB. Now of course I am only on one shift at a time, but during my three year tenure, I got to know all the weapons troops, even though I regularly saw only the ones on my shift.
Well three years is basically the maximum anyone can serve on a special assignment, so my time is up. I am to go back to the flightline, back to the cold, and back to regular loading. As I left, I left the line as a three-man, went to loadbarn and became certified as a four-man, later made staff sergeant and they bumped me up to 2-man, put staff sergeant on, prepared to leave loadbarn and they decided they needed me on the line as a team chief (one-man). So I certified as a team chief this last week in preperation to go back to the line this week. For this, I am more nervous for. Being a team chief means that I am in charge of three other individuals as we load. This also means that I am in charge of the load pad (where the plane sits).
It was a nice three years at loadbarn. I learned a great deal and enjoyed being inside for the most part in the harsh south dakota weather. I worked next to some of the finest loaders at Ellsworth, experienced the personalities of three different wing weapons managers, and also four loadbarn shop chiefs. The only real experience I got was once a month for our MPRL loads and the six-month deployment I went on to Al Udeid.
I don't expect to stay on the flightline for very long as I am looking to retrain into another career field inside the Air Force. I feel the need to broaden my horizons, to change bases and to seek a career that will more easily pay dividends in the civilian world later on in life. But that is a chapter in my book still left to be written. For now, I start the chapter that includes me holding every position on a loading crew, taking more of a leadership position, and stepping into a world that I have no idea how to navigate through...yay for me.
Well three years is basically the maximum anyone can serve on a special assignment, so my time is up. I am to go back to the flightline, back to the cold, and back to regular loading. As I left, I left the line as a three-man, went to loadbarn and became certified as a four-man, later made staff sergeant and they bumped me up to 2-man, put staff sergeant on, prepared to leave loadbarn and they decided they needed me on the line as a team chief (one-man). So I certified as a team chief this last week in preperation to go back to the line this week. For this, I am more nervous for. Being a team chief means that I am in charge of three other individuals as we load. This also means that I am in charge of the load pad (where the plane sits).
It was a nice three years at loadbarn. I learned a great deal and enjoyed being inside for the most part in the harsh south dakota weather. I worked next to some of the finest loaders at Ellsworth, experienced the personalities of three different wing weapons managers, and also four loadbarn shop chiefs. The only real experience I got was once a month for our MPRL loads and the six-month deployment I went on to Al Udeid.
I don't expect to stay on the flightline for very long as I am looking to retrain into another career field inside the Air Force. I feel the need to broaden my horizons, to change bases and to seek a career that will more easily pay dividends in the civilian world later on in life. But that is a chapter in my book still left to be written. For now, I start the chapter that includes me holding every position on a loading crew, taking more of a leadership position, and stepping into a world that I have no idea how to navigate through...yay for me.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Wasting time reading this - Part II
So Sarah and I have had some good discussions about politics and some of the big issues that we are voting on or that we immediately look at to see where a candidate stands on the issue. Why is an issue an issue? How can two individuals who profess the same faith, go to the same church, read the same holy writ and pray the same way have totally opposite political views? Not only similar religious views do they hold, but seemingly similar cultural, social and economic upbringing. Same town, same middle-class standing, same High School, same type of friends…
So what causes different political viewpoints? To me, when speaking to Sarah about it, it seemed an issue was an issue because of how we looked at it on a moral standpoint. Without the moral value, there didn’t seem to be an issue. It seemed wrong with allowing the government a certain right for a certain group. Neither Sarah nor I could come up with a ‘really good’ argument against the other. No analogy really made the other stop and think. Both of us certainly could see the others’ viewpoint though. We definitely aren’t a marriage where politics gets in the way. Only recently have I even raised the issues, and that is because I have gone exploring. Here are the basics between Sarah and I. I argue that even though these are morally wrong things, it is more important to leave the freedom of choice intact. Even though we should all basically agree what is right and what is wrong, it should still be an individual’s choice to make. Sarah counters with an emphasis on other freedoms that we give up in society, or choices that have legal consequences, and argues that those are the same. I disagree but cannot offer a good rebuttal except that there are laws that affect others more significantly and as such, are more obvious to have to obey. So far, I seem to be alone in the thinking about the war in heaven and what we actually fought for. We didn’t fight for righteousness.
We didn’t fight good versus bad as the world likes to portray it down here. We fought for freedom. We fought for the freedom to act and not to be acted upon. We fought for the individuality and personal right to choices. It wasn’t the mundane, seemingly insignificant choices that we fought for, it was a fight for the ability to win back heaven on our own, for mortality was not worth it if we had a free ticket in our hands. We had to fight for the ticket everyday of our mortal lives, making choices that defined us. We knew the consequences of Father’s plan. We knew we would lose family and friends here in mortality, not to mention the ones we lost in the war in heaven. What a significant loss! Father seemed to have lost more than we did, as right from the beginning, He lost a third of all His children. After that, He watched as His only begotten died in vain for many individuals who chose morally wrong choices time and time again until they reached the point of no return. But without that proof that we offer each day of our lives, God cannot condemn nor reward us. We are not proving anything by obeying a government who practices immediate legal action against us for breaking the law. It is easy to obey the law if you know a cop is watching, or if you know you won’t get away with it.
These are some of our thoughts, yet we can’t get past our own feelings of right and wrong. I want there to be political harmony in my house, but I realize that the ultimate political harmony exists. We are living with necessary evils, democracy being one of them. As I am reading Hugh Nibley’s ‘Approaching Zion’, I realized again that this church isn’t doing what it should be as individuals mostly: taking giant strides toward establishing Zion here on earth. With Zion comes the law of consecration. With that law and Zion comes perfection. No need to argue over which political viewpoint is right or wrong. No need to waste hours maybe even weeks of our lives each election year deciding who to vote for. No need to ‘settle’ for a lesser of two evils in an elected official.
But who am I to say? My viewpoint is skewed and I obviously haven’t been praying or reading my scriptures enough. Even though I am not alone in my thinking, all those that think like me are going to Hell and there is nothing I can do about it. There is no thinking for ones self in this regard, there is no need to worry about how to vote for all that is taken care of right? Even though the church stays neutral politically, certain implications lead over 90% of all Saints to vote a certain way, which is sad, it really really is. There aren’t enough ‘thinking’ mormons out there. They rely on a neutrality to pick a side. But again, my viewpoint is skewed and I am going to Hell.
On another note. Being mildly ostracized is a small side story to my life. Everywhere I have gone, I have experienced it at least on some small degree. I was a bit different at school, no matter how hard I tried to fit in. I was a bit different at church, scouts, with friends, anywhere. Now I come to face the fact that all my life I was a bit different at home as well. Yes we are all individuals and have our own quirks and do our own special things, but with me not fitting in anywhere else, this snubbing or exclusion finally got to me in Junior High. After I hit that wall and decided to avoid hitting it again, I have come to realize that I cannot ignore it. Even though that aspect of my life is little, and I can live without hitting it head on, every once in awhile it will pop up in my line of sight and I seemingly cannot avoid it. I even tried telling myself ostracism isn’t a bad thing, it is good. My individuality and I can live life without anyone else. Forget all you meanies! But that is all part of the wall that I cannot avoid being part of my life. I cannot escape the truth that it hurts. Walls hurt no matter how you look at it. If you avoid direct collision, you still have to alter your path to go around, or take significant time to climb over, interrupting your life and affecting it for good.
When I met Sarah and grew to have a spousal love for her, I came to know my eternal companion. I have come to realize she is the most important person in my life, and that wall of ostracism became smaller and smaller. Here is someone who will love me no matter what. Even when I mess up there is no snubbing or ignoring. She loves me for who I am and who I am becoming. So everyday, when I go out into the world, I know I can come home to someone who understands me and accepts me. No matter where I go, what I do or who I talk with, she listens and tries to understand everything. For that I believe she will be truly blessed.
So what causes different political viewpoints? To me, when speaking to Sarah about it, it seemed an issue was an issue because of how we looked at it on a moral standpoint. Without the moral value, there didn’t seem to be an issue. It seemed wrong with allowing the government a certain right for a certain group. Neither Sarah nor I could come up with a ‘really good’ argument against the other. No analogy really made the other stop and think. Both of us certainly could see the others’ viewpoint though. We definitely aren’t a marriage where politics gets in the way. Only recently have I even raised the issues, and that is because I have gone exploring. Here are the basics between Sarah and I. I argue that even though these are morally wrong things, it is more important to leave the freedom of choice intact. Even though we should all basically agree what is right and what is wrong, it should still be an individual’s choice to make. Sarah counters with an emphasis on other freedoms that we give up in society, or choices that have legal consequences, and argues that those are the same. I disagree but cannot offer a good rebuttal except that there are laws that affect others more significantly and as such, are more obvious to have to obey. So far, I seem to be alone in the thinking about the war in heaven and what we actually fought for. We didn’t fight for righteousness.
We didn’t fight good versus bad as the world likes to portray it down here. We fought for freedom. We fought for the freedom to act and not to be acted upon. We fought for the individuality and personal right to choices. It wasn’t the mundane, seemingly insignificant choices that we fought for, it was a fight for the ability to win back heaven on our own, for mortality was not worth it if we had a free ticket in our hands. We had to fight for the ticket everyday of our mortal lives, making choices that defined us. We knew the consequences of Father’s plan. We knew we would lose family and friends here in mortality, not to mention the ones we lost in the war in heaven. What a significant loss! Father seemed to have lost more than we did, as right from the beginning, He lost a third of all His children. After that, He watched as His only begotten died in vain for many individuals who chose morally wrong choices time and time again until they reached the point of no return. But without that proof that we offer each day of our lives, God cannot condemn nor reward us. We are not proving anything by obeying a government who practices immediate legal action against us for breaking the law. It is easy to obey the law if you know a cop is watching, or if you know you won’t get away with it.
These are some of our thoughts, yet we can’t get past our own feelings of right and wrong. I want there to be political harmony in my house, but I realize that the ultimate political harmony exists. We are living with necessary evils, democracy being one of them. As I am reading Hugh Nibley’s ‘Approaching Zion’, I realized again that this church isn’t doing what it should be as individuals mostly: taking giant strides toward establishing Zion here on earth. With Zion comes the law of consecration. With that law and Zion comes perfection. No need to argue over which political viewpoint is right or wrong. No need to waste hours maybe even weeks of our lives each election year deciding who to vote for. No need to ‘settle’ for a lesser of two evils in an elected official.
But who am I to say? My viewpoint is skewed and I obviously haven’t been praying or reading my scriptures enough. Even though I am not alone in my thinking, all those that think like me are going to Hell and there is nothing I can do about it. There is no thinking for ones self in this regard, there is no need to worry about how to vote for all that is taken care of right? Even though the church stays neutral politically, certain implications lead over 90% of all Saints to vote a certain way, which is sad, it really really is. There aren’t enough ‘thinking’ mormons out there. They rely on a neutrality to pick a side. But again, my viewpoint is skewed and I am going to Hell.
On another note. Being mildly ostracized is a small side story to my life. Everywhere I have gone, I have experienced it at least on some small degree. I was a bit different at school, no matter how hard I tried to fit in. I was a bit different at church, scouts, with friends, anywhere. Now I come to face the fact that all my life I was a bit different at home as well. Yes we are all individuals and have our own quirks and do our own special things, but with me not fitting in anywhere else, this snubbing or exclusion finally got to me in Junior High. After I hit that wall and decided to avoid hitting it again, I have come to realize that I cannot ignore it. Even though that aspect of my life is little, and I can live without hitting it head on, every once in awhile it will pop up in my line of sight and I seemingly cannot avoid it. I even tried telling myself ostracism isn’t a bad thing, it is good. My individuality and I can live life without anyone else. Forget all you meanies! But that is all part of the wall that I cannot avoid being part of my life. I cannot escape the truth that it hurts. Walls hurt no matter how you look at it. If you avoid direct collision, you still have to alter your path to go around, or take significant time to climb over, interrupting your life and affecting it for good.
When I met Sarah and grew to have a spousal love for her, I came to know my eternal companion. I have come to realize she is the most important person in my life, and that wall of ostracism became smaller and smaller. Here is someone who will love me no matter what. Even when I mess up there is no snubbing or ignoring. She loves me for who I am and who I am becoming. So everyday, when I go out into the world, I know I can come home to someone who understands me and accepts me. No matter where I go, what I do or who I talk with, she listens and tries to understand everything. For that I believe she will be truly blessed.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
If you read this, you better not have anything better to do, like pick your nose.
Life can be interesting. Your perspective can take a 180 at times, or at other times, you are able to fly high above the earth and view a situation as an outsider. At times, you may think you have a lot on your plate, while at the same time can consider ‘your plate’ quite possibly near empty and you are only trying to tell yourself it is full. Life also can seem like you are hitting a bunch of milestones, when it reality, they are nothing but one-tenth reflective markers to help promote safe driving at night. Yet, we try and dig out the meaning of experiences. Even those experiences that have none, we somehow award value points under categories that seem to deliver a ‘catch-all’ encompassment if all else fails. Then there are the different camps people espouse. I have recently gone exploring to see which camp I can identify with best. I grew up in the camp that ‘everything happens for a reason’, along with ‘life is directed, more or less, by God’ and other such similar camps. Finding meaning is essential for these camps, for if life is directed by God, then there must be meaning in everything that happens. Some choices in my life I know have no religious aspects to them at all. Even though I can attribute all good things coming from God, all bad things I have no problem keeping a safe distance away from giving Him credit. Even if He ‘allows’ bad things to happen for our good and experience, that does not justify everything, or explain all bad decisions, for we are agents unto ourselves, and as such, cannot expect God to intervene when such choices are being made, even when it affects others. Now I suppose He CAN intervene if that other person/peoples’ plans are affected in such a way that something must be done to keep those plans in tact, according to their faith or God’s overall plan, etc. But the very essence of free agency tells me that even though God WANTS us to have direction, and wants to be involved in our lives, that doesn’t mean that our lives are directed by God. It only means we can find meaning when we want, or we can find meaninglessness if that is what suits us for a particular time.
So do you ever get tired of it all? Of course. One gets tired of most things. Tired of hearing about God being in everything, tired of all this talk about God, how ‘society’ throws so many tests of faith at us and we are expected not to question our faith, but be stalwart bearers of truth and example and what not. I grow tired of that burden that not only Christians put on themselves, but Latter-Day Saints. I am a human too! We are expected to take the truth to the world without fear or doubt, doing all we can to spread the good news to everyone we meet. We are expected to be shining examples of Christ in all we do and say so that everyone has a chance to hear the truth in their own way and their own time. We are expected to have all the answers for the world. We are expected to be on a mission from God. We are expected to represent Jesus himself. This isn’t a cry for help, it is a cry for my brothers and sisters to start acting like they were born with a conscience. I am done filling, or feeling guilty for not filling that role for you. Fortunately, Christ gave us all his light (a conscience) and we will all be judged accordingly, not judged by how many souls we save, even though God gives us little gold stars on our foreheads for stuff like that. Sometimes in school we skip the extracurricular activities, well this year I am focusing on certain classes and ignoring all the clubs and sports teams.
Which brings me to another topic. I am a selfish person. There is no denying it (although I haven’t for some time now). But I find this subject popping up in every aspect of my life and in every relationship I have. This tells me I have to change, I know this. Isn’t one of the first steps admitting you have a problem? I don’t know if it is one of the harder ones, but I clearly admit it. I think in today’s culture, the hardest step is the actual change. It is actually cool to admit problems in today’s society. People are accepted for who they are and society confuses what a person is with their misdeeds, addictions and sins, so people translate that into accepting the sin, not just the sinner. We turn the other way when the men and women we and our children idolize have drug, gambling or marital problems to name minor ones. Finding a clean hero in the limelight is slim pickin’s these days. But that is one of our problems. We are idolizing the wrong people. Why should our children’s heroes be found in sports or
It is interesting where I have gotten and how I have gotten where I am at in my life. Speaking of my thought process and not really my situation, I have come to a very interesting place. I am fascinated by how deep the LDS blogging community goes and how easily it can make your head spin, with so many individual blogs, connected to ‘aggregates’ or what not, which blogs are liberal and which are orthodox, whether or not that matters…it quite quickly makes your head spin trying to read some of the content alone, not even worrying about connecting sites or subjects. The major thought I came out of a recent perusal of these blogs was that everyone wants to voice their opinion. The internet is a beautiful place to do this. You know you are getting your voice heard as your words are being ‘published’ for the world to see, and somehow that satisfies your craving for people to listen to you. It is just one more step away from our personal conversations and one step closer to the impersonal, communicate-through-technology lifestyle we are adapting to. More and more our interactions throughout a typical day involve more faceless characters through a computer or phone screen and less the interactions face-to-face of a family member, coworker or neighbor. This is not to say that a certain dosage of blogging and texting is a bad thing. We can definitely learn from each other through this medium, especially when one cannot find a family member, coworker or neighbor to talk some of these things out that haunt our minds. But when considering the volumes and volumes of online material that have been archived over the last few years, people seem to be talking more and more with their keyboard and less and less with their mouths, the way God really did intend. Nothing can replace the comfort of my mother or wife’s voice. Nothing can bring such awesome joy as my children’s. There is definitely something to be said of hearing a voice that hasn’t been heard in years from a good friend or loved one as well. Human interaction. This is all I am saying. I know I spend too much time online. I will say some of the material I have found online has helped with my testimony, but I still cannot justify all the time I have spent here and not in some kind of relationship building communication. And yet, here I am, typing! So yes, I am preaching to the choir or whatever. Another reason for this rant, you don’t have to be anybody to blog your opinion and then link it to all the other blogs. One can literally waste ones time jumping from one blog to another senselessly, learning or gaining nothing because these people blog about whatever they want. Their opinion matters to them and roughly that is it. All they want is to know that their words are out there to be read by another, and that tells them that they are important.
Now personal blogs are a little less self-serving. They join family and friends and update them with pictures and ‘journal’ entries about their lives. This can replace phone calls and visits, but often does not justify a lack of said things. They merely keep people in touch and let them know how you and your family is doing. It can be, but is much less a soapbox or high-horse that allows an opinion to be heard.
Something that has been on my mind a great deal is free will. With so many controversial topics in the world today that we often have opportunity to vote on, I think a sound and solid foundation of the doctrine of free will, or moral agency is crucial. Not only the doctrine of moral agency, but the subject of freedom that this country was founded upon is necessary to understand. With such an emphasis on freedom and liberty, how does one turn around and pursue something that contradicts this freedom? Impingements upon our rights as citizens and God’s children aren’t conducive to the Constitution or the Plan of Salvation which gives us moral agency to enable growth and progress. Without growth and progress, we may as well have chosen Lucifer’s plan which supposedly forced good upon us all, taking away any options or choices. Yes, today we are faced with choices that may arguably be viewed as pure evil, but they are to be left open as choices nonetheless.
But then I think of the laws that ARE enforced in the land and in the church. There are boundaries that we cannot cross without direct and immediate consequences. You profess bi- or homosexuality, you get kicked out of church. You kill a man, you get put in jail, etc. There are laws that are acceptable in the land that we abide by as citizens in order to keep peace and maintain justice and so forth. The laws within a church keep us spiritually safe and also maintain a peaceful community and ensure justice.
So what is the difference between murdering an adult with a gun and aborting a pregnancy? Between homo and hetero marriage? Why is does one have acceptable laws governing it and the other does not?
Are we to be the judges in this, or are we to leave that judgment to God? Are we to take away the freedom to choose regarding these controversial topics, or do we allow that freedom, knowing it changes the face of society? Besides our ‘knowing’ that abortion and gay marriage is inherently wrong, what gives us justification to prohibit others from their rights to choose?
The first fight over this was in the pre-mortal realm, where we lost 33 out of every 100 brothers and sisters in God. They, like many today, argued that people shouldn’t have the right to choose such heinous crimes. They, like us today, knew what man was capable of and chose to not allow that to happen personally. There was of course more to both sides, but one aspect of Lucifer’s plan was to prohibit such atrocities from happening.
What an appealing argument! Some people today cannot bear the sinful nature of humans and the choices we make. But all who come to earth chose moral agency over forced righteousness. The war continues, but it seems that many have switched their vote. It seems that many are voting for the forced righteousness, whether that is how you view it or not, it is a similar concept.
The argument they use is that those who abort babies are murdering a helpless child. Well then, this is why it is controversial, right? When is a baby alive? How can an unborn baby have rights separate from the mother? Why is it ok to kill a baby after a rape or incest, but its not ok to kill a baby after a thoughtless night of teenage passion?
Then there is the whole gay marriage thing. Are we keeping gays from a little more happiness because we think they are going to overthrow our families? How does this work exactly? First we allow them to get married, next thing we know, we are banning heterosexual marriages? I am a bit confused. Just because someone chooses a different lifestyle, or it was forced upon them somehow doesn’t mean they are trying to undermine ‘normal’ sexual behavior. Yes, I agree its disgusting, yes I think it is a dysfunction from normal behavior, but I believe we are only making it worse, as we are making more enemies than friends. If we recognize these people as humans that have just as many rights as we do, then
I am still in the process of exploring these new ideas, but if we don’t explore all ideas, how do we know which one to espouse ourselves? Yes I agree that to follow the Prophet will save us in these terrible times. This is worth noting. Without the Prophet to guide us, we wouldn’t be where we are as Latter-Day Saints. Part of this personal exploration leads me off the strait and narrow. I am not saying this is ideal, or a prerequisite to a solid foundation or anything, I am merely stating the truth of the path I have taken. This is also a bit of an overstatement. Exploring new ideas may or may not be straying off the strait and narrow, but it certainly is looking at ideas that aren’t necessarily inline with church authority.
I may have said it before, but I will say it again: legalizing, or allowing certain things to take place is in no way promoting those actions. It is like condoms given out at a High School: a necessary evil. You know full well (depending on the High School) that a certain percentage will be having premarital sex. You also know full well that handing out free condoms and educating them will ultimately save lives and actually negate the whole abortion issue in a very small way.
Maybe my ideas are skewed, but they aren’t really mine, I am exploring, remember?
Friday, September 26, 2008
spaghetti night.....mare
what a fun experience it is to see 3 children playing with their food. I love it. Tensley loves to go to town on the soft noodles and of course they just slide down her throat like butter.Orson loves to eat but as you can tell i dont think he knows what a fork is yet. Using his hands is the only way to go according to him.
Connor is just using his fork nicely as you can tell he is trying the turning technique and is doing quite nicely.
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