So I have been dreaming quite a bit about my dad these last few months. I am not sure all the dynamics that play into it but I am sure they number more than just a few. Anyway, My dreams started out simple and I interpreted them simply. I dreamt of being with my dad somehow and I interpreted that as I missed him. Well last night marked another night where the dreams added another dimension of complexity. They have gotten gradually more complex, being fed by my subconscious that only shrinks have access to, but something about last night leads me to write about it.
The dream itself wasn't innately weird, yet two thoughts that dominated my dream were what flagged me as being abnormal. The first thought was doubt that my dad was dead. A bit of background first. One complexity before last night was the realization I had inside my dreams that I was going back in time to see my dad since my subconscious figured out that he was dead already, so it solved it by going back in time. Well one thing led to another and now my subconscious has doubts as to the reality of my dad's death.
The other thought that troubled me was the fact that everyone else inside this 'back to the future' dream seemed to have this future knowledge of dad's death. It's almost like my subconscious announced to my whole brain that we are all going back to the past so we can spend more time with dad, just so everyone is on the same page.
In the dream we were all having a good time playing in the treehouse. As siblings, we were all relearning our old tricks and racing each other to the top. Well the top platform, in the dream, was well within arms reach of the top of the cement fence dad built on the north side of the driveway. I accidentally hit a cinderblock with my hand and it gave in to my hand worse than sheet rock. I got Andy's and Bryan's attention and we investigated further. We soon found that the edges - where all the cinderblocks met and were sealed together - were still pretty solid, but the significant centers of every one was hollowed, with padding inside, then concealed with a small layer of cinder. After awhile we found ourselves on the ground investigating the same fence. Mom was now involved and she went to get dad. Dad looked on the ground then started talking about the guy he bought them from. He started into the tree to investigate the top of the fence. This time my dream produced no familiarity to my treehouse of my childhood. This time everything was new and wonderful. I had a hard time following my dad as there were numerous children playing all over the tree, so I found an alternate route. As I was now alone in my dream, thoughts took over with profound vividness. I noticed bugs in the big branch I was climbing into. I thought about the question of the reality of my dad's death and how it was sometime in the near future. I thought about how he was going to leave my mom with this huge burden of redoing the fence and having to pay for it.
What else was weird was that my subconscious seemingly went back to the past but within a year of dad's death. Yet in the dream, my dad acted as if he was in his forty's, climbing the tree like a young man and carrying himself like nothing had every happened to his physical body. (All my dreams had my dad physically sound). So it may or may not help to be visiting Utah once again....the first time since my dad's funeral in November. I won't be staying long, so it may not effect my subconscious like I hope. For now, we will hope my subconscious doesn't conjure up any more compensations to impose on my whole brain, for I just may be on an unpleasant road and will have to induce a coma on my subconscious.
