Wasting time reading this - Part II

So Sarah and I have had some good discussions about politics and some of the big issues that we are voting on or that we immediately look at to see where a candidate stands on the issue. Why is an issue an issue? How can two individuals who profess the same faith, go to the same church, read the same holy writ and pray the same way have totally opposite political views? Not only similar religious views do they hold, but seemingly similar cultural, social and economic upbringing. Same town, same middle-class standing, same High School, same type of friends…
So what causes different political viewpoints? To me, when speaking to Sarah about it, it seemed an issue was an issue because of how we looked at it on a moral standpoint. Without the moral value, there didn’t seem to be an issue. It seemed wrong with allowing the government a certain right for a certain group. Neither Sarah nor I could come up with a ‘really good’ argument against the other. No analogy really made the other stop and think. Both of us certainly could see the others’ viewpoint though. We definitely aren’t a marriage where politics gets in the way. Only recently have I even raised the issues, and that is because I have gone exploring. Here are the basics between Sarah and I. I argue that even though these are morally wrong things, it is more important to leave the freedom of choice intact. Even though we should all basically agree what is right and what is wrong, it should still be an individual’s choice to make. Sarah counters with an emphasis on other freedoms that we give up in society, or choices that have legal consequences, and argues that those are the same. I disagree but cannot offer a good rebuttal except that there are laws that affect others more significantly and as such, are more obvious to have to obey. So far, I seem to be alone in the thinking about the war in heaven and what we actually fought for. We didn’t fight for righteousness.

We didn’t fight good versus bad as the world likes to portray it down here. We fought for freedom. We fought for the freedom to act and not to be acted upon. We fought for the individuality and personal right to choices. It wasn’t the mundane, seemingly insignificant choices that we fought for, it was a fight for the ability to win back heaven on our own, for mortality was not worth it if we had a free ticket in our hands. We had to fight for the ticket everyday of our mortal lives, making choices that defined us. We knew the consequences of Father’s plan. We knew we would lose family and friends here in mortality, not to mention the ones we lost in the war in heaven. What a significant loss! Father seemed to have lost more than we did, as right from the beginning, He lost a third of all His children. After that, He watched as His only begotten died in vain for many individuals who chose morally wrong choices time and time again until they reached the point of no return. But without that proof that we offer each day of our lives, God cannot condemn nor reward us. We are not proving anything by obeying a government who practices immediate legal action against us for breaking the law. It is easy to obey the law if you know a cop is watching, or if you know you won’t get away with it.
These are some of our thoughts, yet we can’t get past our own feelings of right and wrong. I want there to be political harmony in my house, but I realize that the ultimate political harmony exists. We are living with necessary evils, democracy being one of them. As I am reading Hugh Nibley’s ‘Approaching Zion’, I realized again that this church isn’t doing what it should be as individuals mostly: taking giant strides toward establishing Zion here on earth. With Zion comes the law of consecration. With that law and Zion comes perfection. No need to argue over which political viewpoint is right or wrong. No need to waste hours maybe even weeks of our lives each election year deciding who to vote for. No need to ‘settle’ for a lesser of two evils in an elected official.
But who am I to say? My viewpoint is skewed and I obviously haven’t been praying or reading my scriptures enough. Even though I am not alone in my thinking, all those that think like me are going to Hell and there is nothing I can do about it. There is no thinking for ones self in this regard, there is no need to worry about how to vote for all that is taken care of right? Even though the church stays neutral politically, certain implications lead over 90% of all Saints to vote a certain way, which is sad, it really really is. There aren’t enough ‘thinking’ mormons out there. They rely on a neutrality to pick a side. But again, my viewpoint is skewed and I am going to Hell.
On another note. Being mildly ostracized is a small side story to my life. Everywhere I have gone, I have experienced it at least on some small degree. I was a bit different at school, no matter how hard I tried to fit in. I was a bit different at church, scouts, with friends, anywhere. Now I come to face the fact that all my life I was a bit different at home as well. Yes we are all individuals and have our own quirks and do our own special things, but with me not fitting in anywhere else, this snubbing or exclusion finally got to me in Junior High. After I hit that wall and decided to avoid hitting it again, I have come to realize that I cannot ignore it. Even though that aspect of my life is little, and I can live without hitting it head on, every once in awhile it will pop up in my line of sight and I seemingly cannot avoid it. I even tried telling myself ostracism isn’t a bad thing, it is good. My individuality and I can live life without anyone else. Forget all you meanies! But that is all part of the wall that I cannot avoid being part of my life. I cannot escape the truth that it hurts. Walls hurt no matter how you look at it. If you avoid direct collision, you still have to alter your path to go around, or take significant time to climb over, interrupting your life and affecting it for good.
When I met Sarah and grew to have a spousal love for her, I came to know my eternal companion. I have come to realize she is the most important person in my life, and that wall of ostracism became smaller and smaller. Here is someone who will love me no matter what. Even when I mess up there is no snubbing or ignoring. She loves me for who I am and who I am becoming. So everyday, when I go out into the world, I know I can come home to someone who understands me and accepts me. No matter where I go, what I do or who I talk with, she listens and tries to understand everything. For that I believe she will be truly blessed.

If you read this, you better not have anything better to do, like pick your nose.

Life can be interesting. Your perspective can take a 180 at times, or at other times, you are able to fly high above the earth and view a situation as an outsider. At times, you may think you have a lot on your plate, while at the same time can consider ‘your plate’ quite possibly near empty and you are only trying to tell yourself it is full. Life also can seem like you are hitting a bunch of milestones, when it reality, they are nothing but one-tenth reflective markers to help promote safe driving at night. Yet, we try and dig out the meaning of experiences. Even those experiences that have none, we somehow award value points under categories that seem to deliver a ‘catch-all’ encompassment if all else fails. Then there are the different camps people espouse. I have recently gone exploring to see which camp I can identify with best. I grew up in the camp that ‘everything happens for a reason’, along with ‘life is directed, more or less, by God’ and other such similar camps. Finding meaning is essential for these camps, for if life is directed by God, then there must be meaning in everything that happens. Some choices in my life I know have no religious aspects to them at all. Even though I can attribute all good things coming from God, all bad things I have no problem keeping a safe distance away from giving Him credit. Even if He ‘allows’ bad things to happen for our good and experience, that does not justify everything, or explain all bad decisions, for we are agents unto ourselves, and as such, cannot expect God to intervene when such choices are being made, even when it affects others. Now I suppose He CAN intervene if that other person/peoples’ plans are affected in such a way that something must be done to keep those plans in tact, according to their faith or God’s overall plan, etc. But the very essence of free agency tells me that even though God WANTS us to have direction, and wants to be involved in our lives, that doesn’t mean that our lives are directed by God. It only means we can find meaning when we want, or we can find meaninglessness if that is what suits us for a particular time.

So do you ever get tired of it all? Of course. One gets tired of most things. Tired of hearing about God being in everything, tired of all this talk about God, how ‘society’ throws so many tests of faith at us and we are expected not to question our faith, but be stalwart bearers of truth and example and what not. I grow tired of that burden that not only Christians put on themselves, but Latter-Day Saints. I am a human too! We are expected to take the truth to the world without fear or doubt, doing all we can to spread the good news to everyone we meet. We are expected to be shining examples of Christ in all we do and say so that everyone has a chance to hear the truth in their own way and their own time. We are expected to have all the answers for the world. We are expected to be on a mission from God. We are expected to represent Jesus himself. This isn’t a cry for help, it is a cry for my brothers and sisters to start acting like they were born with a conscience. I am done filling, or feeling guilty for not filling that role for you. Fortunately, Christ gave us all his light (a conscience) and we will all be judged accordingly, not judged by how many souls we save, even though God gives us little gold stars on our foreheads for stuff like that. Sometimes in school we skip the extracurricular activities, well this year I am focusing on certain classes and ignoring all the clubs and sports teams.

Which brings me to another topic. I am a selfish person. There is no denying it (although I haven’t for some time now). But I find this subject popping up in every aspect of my life and in every relationship I have. This tells me I have to change, I know this. Isn’t one of the first steps admitting you have a problem? I don’t know if it is one of the harder ones, but I clearly admit it. I think in today’s culture, the hardest step is the actual change. It is actually cool to admit problems in today’s society. People are accepted for who they are and society confuses what a person is with their misdeeds, addictions and sins, so people translate that into accepting the sin, not just the sinner. We turn the other way when the men and women we and our children idolize have drug, gambling or marital problems to name minor ones. Finding a clean hero in the limelight is slim pickin’s these days. But that is one of our problems. We are idolizing the wrong people. Why should our children’s heroes be found in sports or Hollywood when they adhere to our cultures standards? And wow, did you see how I started out talking about my problem and turned it outwards? Back to me. Actual change is the hardest step. Admitting it may be hard, but I don’t know if God awards points for that. I can admit to a problem ‘till I’m blue in the face but it doesn’t change my heart.

It is interesting where I have gotten and how I have gotten where I am at in my life. Speaking of my thought process and not really my situation, I have come to a very interesting place. I am fascinated by how deep the LDS blogging community goes and how easily it can make your head spin, with so many individual blogs, connected to ‘aggregates’ or what not, which blogs are liberal and which are orthodox, whether or not that matters…it quite quickly makes your head spin trying to read some of the content alone, not even worrying about connecting sites or subjects. The major thought I came out of a recent perusal of these blogs was that everyone wants to voice their opinion. The internet is a beautiful place to do this. You know you are getting your voice heard as your words are being ‘published’ for the world to see, and somehow that satisfies your craving for people to listen to you. It is just one more step away from our personal conversations and one step closer to the impersonal, communicate-through-technology lifestyle we are adapting to. More and more our interactions throughout a typical day involve more faceless characters through a computer or phone screen and less the interactions face-to-face of a family member, coworker or neighbor. This is not to say that a certain dosage of blogging and texting is a bad thing. We can definitely learn from each other through this medium, especially when one cannot find a family member, coworker or neighbor to talk some of these things out that haunt our minds. But when considering the volumes and volumes of online material that have been archived over the last few years, people seem to be talking more and more with their keyboard and less and less with their mouths, the way God really did intend. Nothing can replace the comfort of my mother or wife’s voice. Nothing can bring such awesome joy as my children’s. There is definitely something to be said of hearing a voice that hasn’t been heard in years from a good friend or loved one as well. Human interaction. This is all I am saying. I know I spend too much time online. I will say some of the material I have found online has helped with my testimony, but I still cannot justify all the time I have spent here and not in some kind of relationship building communication. And yet, here I am, typing! So yes, I am preaching to the choir or whatever. Another reason for this rant, you don’t have to be anybody to blog your opinion and then link it to all the other blogs. One can literally waste ones time jumping from one blog to another senselessly, learning or gaining nothing because these people blog about whatever they want. Their opinion matters to them and roughly that is it. All they want is to know that their words are out there to be read by another, and that tells them that they are important.

Now personal blogs are a little less self-serving. They join family and friends and update them with pictures and ‘journal’ entries about their lives. This can replace phone calls and visits, but often does not justify a lack of said things. They merely keep people in touch and let them know how you and your family is doing. It can be, but is much less a soapbox or high-horse that allows an opinion to be heard.

Something that has been on my mind a great deal is free will. With so many controversial topics in the world today that we often have opportunity to vote on, I think a sound and solid foundation of the doctrine of free will, or moral agency is crucial. Not only the doctrine of moral agency, but the subject of freedom that this country was founded upon is necessary to understand. With such an emphasis on freedom and liberty, how does one turn around and pursue something that contradicts this freedom? Impingements upon our rights as citizens and God’s children aren’t conducive to the Constitution or the Plan of Salvation which gives us moral agency to enable growth and progress. Without growth and progress, we may as well have chosen Lucifer’s plan which supposedly forced good upon us all, taking away any options or choices. Yes, today we are faced with choices that may arguably be viewed as pure evil, but they are to be left open as choices nonetheless.

But then I think of the laws that ARE enforced in the land and in the church. There are boundaries that we cannot cross without direct and immediate consequences. You profess bi- or homosexuality, you get kicked out of church. You kill a man, you get put in jail, etc. There are laws that are acceptable in the land that we abide by as citizens in order to keep peace and maintain justice and so forth. The laws within a church keep us spiritually safe and also maintain a peaceful community and ensure justice.

So what is the difference between murdering an adult with a gun and aborting a pregnancy? Between homo and hetero marriage? Why is does one have acceptable laws governing it and the other does not?

Are we to be the judges in this, or are we to leave that judgment to God? Are we to take away the freedom to choose regarding these controversial topics, or do we allow that freedom, knowing it changes the face of society? Besides our ‘knowing’ that abortion and gay marriage is inherently wrong, what gives us justification to prohibit others from their rights to choose?

The first fight over this was in the pre-mortal realm, where we lost 33 out of every 100 brothers and sisters in God. They, like many today, argued that people shouldn’t have the right to choose such heinous crimes. They, like us today, knew what man was capable of and chose to not allow that to happen personally. There was of course more to both sides, but one aspect of Lucifer’s plan was to prohibit such atrocities from happening.

What an appealing argument! Some people today cannot bear the sinful nature of humans and the choices we make. But all who come to earth chose moral agency over forced righteousness. The war continues, but it seems that many have switched their vote. It seems that many are voting for the forced righteousness, whether that is how you view it or not, it is a similar concept.

The argument they use is that those who abort babies are murdering a helpless child. Well then, this is why it is controversial, right? When is a baby alive? How can an unborn baby have rights separate from the mother? Why is it ok to kill a baby after a rape or incest, but its not ok to kill a baby after a thoughtless night of teenage passion?

Then there is the whole gay marriage thing. Are we keeping gays from a little more happiness because we think they are going to overthrow our families? How does this work exactly? First we allow them to get married, next thing we know, we are banning heterosexual marriages? I am a bit confused. Just because someone chooses a different lifestyle, or it was forced upon them somehow doesn’t mean they are trying to undermine ‘normal’ sexual behavior. Yes, I agree its disgusting, yes I think it is a dysfunction from normal behavior, but I believe we are only making it worse, as we are making more enemies than friends. If we recognize these people as humans that have just as many rights as we do, then America becomes all the more better for it. Happiness comes in many forms, this is a true form of happiness and respect that gay people deserve. There is no undermining of a heterosexual family when we open up legal marriages to them.

I am still in the process of exploring these new ideas, but if we don’t explore all ideas, how do we know which one to espouse ourselves? Yes I agree that to follow the Prophet will save us in these terrible times. This is worth noting. Without the Prophet to guide us, we wouldn’t be where we are as Latter-Day Saints. Part of this personal exploration leads me off the strait and narrow. I am not saying this is ideal, or a prerequisite to a solid foundation or anything, I am merely stating the truth of the path I have taken. This is also a bit of an overstatement. Exploring new ideas may or may not be straying off the strait and narrow, but it certainly is looking at ideas that aren’t necessarily inline with church authority.

I may have said it before, but I will say it again: legalizing, or allowing certain things to take place is in no way promoting those actions. It is like condoms given out at a High School: a necessary evil. You know full well (depending on the High School) that a certain percentage will be having premarital sex. You also know full well that handing out free condoms and educating them will ultimately save lives and actually negate the whole abortion issue in a very small way.

Maybe my ideas are skewed, but they aren’t really mine, I am exploring, remember?