Times of need.

A post by another got me thinking. Popular thought is that Father reaches out to us during our greatest time of need. Why is that such a popular idea? I suppose it provides comfort and we can talk ourselves through many situations that we struggle with if this idea is in our head. Yet is that healthy? If we look to Christ for an example, we see that Father actually withdrew his support from Christ during his greatest time of need. If we expect support from Father when we need him most, and that support or help doesn't come, what interpretation can we gather from that? How is our testimony impacted? If I trust in something to occur, and it doesn't occur, then my trust was misplaced and now gone.
Then comes the question of what is help from Father? If you are quite flexible with the answer, then I suppose the health of one's testimony may be robust. We must therefore be careful in specifying certain perspectives. I for one would say that Father allows liberal help to come under very liberal circumstances, yet does withdraw from time to time for our own benefit and for the sake of the supreme gift, that all other gifts give heed: moral agency. Yes, even the Atonement gives heed to this gift, given to all that have kept their first estate. It is quite interesting this plan of ours. As a mortal father, I would never think to do this to my children...then again, I don't rule any universes, even the one at 5756 Red Onion Way.

Follow Up

As a follow up to my last post, I wanted to empty my head further on human suffering. Much of what we learn in a religious setting applies to how we react to others and the curve balls of life. Do we stiffen our backs or crumble under the wind? Then there is the concept that, 'God doesn't give us anything we can't handle'. I am not sure I believe that either. To keep things clear, I believe Father is more compassionate and merciful than we give Him credit for. I merely think our perspective on things is limited. Keeping moral agency out of the equation, and only considering 'fate' 'luck' or one's 'fortune', I fail to see how the aforementioned concept holds water. Father, it seems, often doesn't take into consideration the object acted upon while allowing moral agency of the actor. This is not to say that Father is mean or cold. Again, it is our limited perspective on things. I have been thinking more and more about the big picture, and more and more am I leaning toward this and this and this. These things, for me, help explain the mercy and love Father has for his children. Although they present problems of their own and the doctrines aren't mentioned in public church settings, they can be found, alive and well.

They give me hope. They allow me to stiffen in the wind rather than crumble. Everyone seems to have a breaking point. It is finding something else to lean on when you think it's too much to handle that is key for me.
I realize life isn't fair. My dad reminded me of this from day one, on up to day 10,384, or thereabouts. I also realize everyone has a different blueprint to follow. Father intended it to be this way. Yet I cannot dismiss the possibility of a loving Father allowing a child to live a full mortal life in a second chance when the first one was snubbed out as a baby. Yes, this mortal experience is hell. Yes, babies who die after receiving a body are automatically celestialized. Yet I must interject and dismiss yet again another popular concept: 'Father loved these children too much to allow them a prolonged mortal life.' On the contrary, you may argue the opposite being true: Father loves me so much that he has spared my life time and again, and not just for those mortals close to me. Either way you look at it: Reincarnation or One Life to Live, mortality is more of a blessing than merely receiving a body....except for the suffering of helpless children. Sins against children would seem to condemn one to hell, yet in this very post it seems I don't believe in that condemnation in the traditional sense.

What is it about perspective? What is it about this frail mind of ours that grabs at straws? Thank the heavens that we are not in charge, allowing mortal weaknesses to play into judgments passed on sinners. I may break down at the suffering of children, but I realize that there should not be direct application of those emotions toward the evildoer. Our perspective is limited, as is our love and mercy and capacity to experience proper or maximum emotions.

The beginning of my end...

29 June 2010

I don’t presume to know much about the atrocities that occur on a daily basis by the hand of humanity. I haven’t been exposed to it first-hand or even the literature on the matter. The half-second glimpses and summarized horror stories I have heard or been privy to cut through me like darkness that seems to have come directly from the gates of hell. It passes through me like I am leaves on a tree, but then it lingers as though the sun had set for the last time. I thank whatever controls my fate to have blinded me to these gross abuses, for knowing more, I would not know the negative impact it would have on me. The evil in the world and in my life that I do experience has created a cynicism that seems to be a subconscious shroud over my emotions.

30 June 2010

Currently I am not overwhelmed with a state of sadness or depression to have me contemplate leaving mortality or hiding away in a dark room. Yet when I hear of the horrors mortality can produce – namely sins against the innocent specifically – it makes me wonder. I wonder about my perspective on the big picture. The numbers are too disproportionate to be acceptable to me. I understand the concept of interpreting evil and sorrow into something that can strengthen your testimony, but there seems to be a limit. If we just look at the porn industry: the majority of porn stars come from sexual abuse, only to relive their abuse and get exploited for it by the pornographers. Child abuse is one of the worst evils one can think of. To prey upon the innocent and weak, to permanently damage body and spirit, to deepen the cycle of abuse, damage, production of the next generation of abusers. The sorrow from merely knowing this cycle seems unbearable. To then wade into this filthy body of water to try and help, one seems to be irreversibly connected and transformed to and by the black sludge that stains everything it comes in contact with.

So about my perspective. Am I missing something? I used to be sad for others who get mad at God for these sorrows on earth. I used to wish they could have my perspective and how the gospel and the plan only helps strengthen my testimony that everything works within God’s design. I am beginning to question my own perspective. Maybe I am just reaching a point either in my life or in knowledge that is a limit to how much I can handle pertaining to what the devil is capable of. I fear this is the tip of the iceberg and I don’t think I can handle any more of it. I don’t want to know anymore about this place and what evils it can produce. I just want to know of the good things. I know this cannot be and I am scared. I don’t know how to build up a protection against it. I don’t know how to handle such terrifying facts. I don’t want my children here to be exposed to it. These things no one that kept their first estate deserves to be subject to. Lying, cheating, stealing, physical abuse, starvation, wars… I can accept these. I don’t understand why the children have to be involved. There is nothing anyone can say to me to convince me or put my mind and my heart at ease that sins against children are a way to condemn people, a way to strengthen testimony, or a way to show how others can give compassion and healing. No. There is plenty of pain and sorrow in the world for all those things. I understand God giving variety to the world through the living things, but why allow variety in sin in these ways? It is not only unfair, it is unacceptable to me.

Pursuit of Happyness

When I think of this concept I always think of the movie Bruce Almighty where Morgan Freeman asks Jim Carrey, "Since when do people know what they want?" Jim had granted all prayers with a mass email reply of 'yes' and chaos ensued. In the movie "The pursuit of happyness", we follow Will Smith's character as he ultimately reaches happiness and the trials he goes through on his pursuit. Even though the movie is based on a true story, the movie implies Will's character is pursuing happiness.
So what then is happiness? How do we know when we are fooling ourselves in our thinking that something is a real happiness or pursuit thereof? When we have to choose between two things that we think make us happy, how do we know which one makes us more happy? I watched Cast Away last night with Sarah. She had never seen it. Tom Hanks' character loses his only friend, a volleyball named Wilson, near the end of the movie while floating adrift on the Pacific after a big storm. He mourns his loss as if it were a real friend who sustained him during his toughest times over the last four years, yet it was a volleyball. When you watch him interact with the ball, you see one side of him in the ball, and somewhat of an opposing side in Tom's character. In the extreme, we all fight with ourselves internally as he showed on the film externally. We reason within, arguing and discussing out with logic and emotion until we come to what we think to be the best solution.
I often wonder about this aspect of life. How a loving Father can allow so many lost children to wander around in darkness, reaching for what they believe to be happiness when all they are doing is satisfying urges and desires that last fleetingly. Is that the point? Are only a select few supposed to have the answer? As bordering as close as one can get as a Latter-Day Saint to universalism, I wonder what the end goal is for all the matter that all the Spirits that don't make it to the Celestial kingdom. Even we as mortals recycle, reuse and replenish.

Back to happiness. I have a dear friend that defines happiness currently that is drastically different from my definition. We have similar struggles and weaknesses, yet we are dealing with it differently. This person thinks he knows that what they are doing gives them happiness, whereas I feel the same about my solution, but we are going opposite directions. I wonder about what Father thinks about it all. In his mercy, I can see Him feeling so sad for our struggling and so sad when we try and turn to Him but can't seem to find Him, or do then forget how. This life is full of inequality, unfairness, sorrow, pain, death, sadness and everything else. May our Father quicken the day of release from the torment so many people feel.

Mother's Day 2010

Today is Mother's Day and it isn't the best one for the books. Many thoughts crowd my head today, so get ready for the roller coaster.
Sarah and I are very different yet very similar when it comes to relationships. On different levels, we both choose to refrain from investing wholly in our trust of others when we talk to them. For her, I think part of it comes from living away, and having to talk to them over the phone or internet. For me, I think many things inhibit me, one of which is my social inhibitions.
I still have a lot of work to do on my treehouse. I am planning a wraparound deck-type thing where there may or may not be a hatch involved.
I think I would be an atheist if I weren't LDS. The evangelical movement is utterly preposterous and doesn't make sense. What it does seem to be doing is creating this atheistic monster that attacks all religions specifically because of the sour taste people have from evangelism.
I like my new job at the same time miss my old one at the same time not miss South Dakota at the same time miss Ellsworth AFB.
I am reading Blake Ostlers second volume at the same time reading Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead...two polar opposites so far...one championing the individual through a selfish aspect, the other championing the love of God and others and how perfect relationships in selflessness show us the love of God. We will see if they are polar opposites at the end.
We are trying to maximize our peach and cherry harvest this year. It is fun to prune, feed, water and net fruit trees....well, not the netting so much...
I also want to build a waterfall this year. We will see how that turns out.

Opposition

There is something to be said of opposition. I may have blogged about it before, but the concept amazes me still. What is it about an opposing idea that can either make us crumble or fortify us? What is it about us as individuals that differentiates between opposition and how we react to different forms? Opposition can be creepy too. We may not even know we are being opposed before it is too late. We may not realize we are being opposed, yet something inside us rises to the occasion or crumbles within before we know what is going on. An opposing idea can be subtle, simple and something we wouldn't think of as opposing. It may even be something you espouse in a certain aspect in your life, yet in another aspect it is considered opposition.

I am having an experience where opposition is facing me head on, but in a very attractive package. I welcome it into my life and don't ever want to part with it. Yet, it opposes a distinct aspect of my life that I also would never want to part with. As I embrace the opposition, it creates quite an interesting three way dance I have with what it opposes. They, oddly enough, complement each other. Something can also be said of moderation here as well. Moderation in all things is not light subject, yet moderation in ALL things may be the point. So be moderate and embrace your oppositions and they just may become your strengths.

More on the human condition

I really need to get into psychology as well as more studies in philosophy. What is it about humans and our connections to one another? What is it about certain ideas and worldviews that drive us apart or bring us together? Why am I drawn to a certain personality, yet I can disagree with them about everything....turn around and disagree with another personality about the same things, yet hope to never speak to that person again? Not only is it the worldview, but it is the person holding that worldview. I think something can be said about being open-minded. One doesn't have to give up their views to be open-minded. It is, in one sense, merely the ability to listen. Why can one not listen politely? What is it about human nature that feels the need to be the loudest person, unwilling to share ideas mutually and listen to the other side. If anything, One can form arguments and couter-ideas to the one's shared, so you are better prepared and understand the opposing side, rather than having to yell and regurgitate what you heard or read from your favorite 'leftist' or 'rightist' paper/news program.

There has been, seemingly more now than ever, a great polarization in politics and religion. Lukewarm is harder and harder to find. If you don't want to look for lukewarm worldviews, then you proceed to look for lukewarm attitudes - people who have an opinion but want to stay out of any involvement, or minimal involvement. These too are getting harder to find. The very idea of government sparks debates of all kinds. Some healthy, some violent. The world will continue (for now) with or without these disagreements. One can, if I may be so bold, continue peacefully in relationships of disagreement. If I may also be so bold, the holding of a certain worldview, whether it be in politics, religion, or what have you, does not put one's 'salvation' at risk. If you come across someone with extreme ideas that don't conform to yours, that does not necessarily put them in a position that needs saving. On the contrary, Joseph Smith practiced the art of forming or playing with new ideas on a constant basis. He also taught that it is wrong to try someone simply because of doctrinal issues, he wants, "...the liberty of believing as [he] please[s]".
According to Joseph, one isn't risking good standing anywhere in his definition of the Kingdom if one holds views different than what is considered 'official' doctrine.
Simply holding different views also does not tell you about that person's past. Being 'progressive' or 'liberal' does not mean that person needs to somehow justify their life or rationalize their actions in order to make themselves feel better. Being able to show proper treatment toward one another is at the core of of this mortal existence. We aren't here to necessaril learn politics or is or isn't correct doctrine, but to treat people how they and we should be treated: as precious children of God, spirits and intelligences that are eternal, one with another.